I am now a minister. Yes, it’s true. And so is Horbi. Apparently it really is that easy to become ordained!
I went online during Labor Day weekend after talking to my buddy Chase’s best man, Kanan. A couple of guys there kept making jokes about if something were to happen to the Priest, Kanan would have to be ready to step in. I finally asked him about it and he told me that through a website he became and ordained minister and actually has performed a weeding ceremony. Well, this sounded too cool and easy not to do. So the next day I found the website and submitted an email to a church in Modesto, California to become ordained.
I kind of forgot about it until today. I went through my Gmail inbox and found the email confirmation from “Brother Kevin”. The email was basically telling me I am now a part of the Christian clergy and I can now legally perform a number of ceremonies. Ha! Take that, guidance counselor!
I told Horbi about this and he got all kinds of crazy pumped up to do it too. So he did. Now were are fellow brothers of the cloth. Brother Dave and Brother Horbi. I decided to bless my bottle of Ozarka when I got thirsty. I had never drank Holy Water before. Tastes good!
So, if anyone needs me to perform a wedding ceremony, needs to me to baptize their kid, or needs someone to preside over a funeral, then I’m your man. But I can’t do it for free. The good Lord would want me to charge $1,000 a wedding. And since children are smaller, then 50% off my going rate for baptisms. Funerals? Well, if you have to ask, you can’t afford me.
-Rev. Dave Q.
You ought to start by doing an exorcism on that dog of yours, Murphy!
Well I hadn’t checked this in a while but I’m very glad I did. I will definetly be calling you up for my wedding. I’m sure you are a great minister. Hope to see you sometime in the near future. Take care Rev. D.