Archive for the ‘Life’ Category
Halloween. A time for ghosts, goblins, trick-or-treats, and slutty outfits.
It’s the only time of year when the average girl next door can dress up super naughty and not feel bad about it. And most guys don’t feel bad about this either. You go to a bar or club the weekend of or before Halloween, and you’re going to see a great deal of skin. Or at least you will in San Antonio, where late October weather doesn’t stop a girl from exposing some flesh.
I went to Swig North this past Saturday for a friend’s birthday get together. The staff was all dressed up. And of course the female bartenders are dressed to get the biggest possible tips. And then there were all the “Naughtys.” Naughty cops. Naughty nurses. Naughty Witches. Naughty Belly Dancers. Naughty Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. I have to say that most of the girls showing skin were actually in decent shape. Lately all the provocatively dressed girls I’ve seen are a donut away from Weight Watches. So this was a nice change of pace.
Anyway, tomorrow you can expect to see a lot of the more innocent girls you know to dress as if they were walking around an Iranian market. They will probably be making a focused effort on covering up and not wearing anything sexy after they got dressed all slutty and got a little tipsy. What better way to make amends for all the pics taken of them freaking on the dance floor with a guy in a Gumby costume. Except it wasn’t a guy in a Gumby costume, but a ficus tree.
And just for the heck of it, a classic video wit even more classic parents! This cracks me up…
-Dave Q.
Today is my mother’s birthday. Yes, I know it’s Halloween. Halloween just happens to fall on her birthday. 
So to the woman whom I’ve given enough headaches growing up to keep both Advil and Excedrin in business, I say God bless you. I love you. And have a great birthday!
Love, your favorite child…
-Dave Q.
You ever have such a lousy weekend that you can’t wait to get back to work? No, you haven’t? Liar.
I’m glad it’s Monday. The weekend couldn’t have ended earlier for me. It was cursed from the get go. Starting with getting out of work late on Friday. I’m all for working late to accomplish more when there are less interruptions, but on a Friday? That’s where I draw the line. And then Saturday got kicked off with me going to get a haircut. I go to a place called SportsClips, where they cater to the sports fan by have the TVs tuned to whatever big game(s) are being broadcast. Well, the dame that cut my hair must have been really into the Colorado – Texas Tech game because she cut my hair way too damn short. I’m trying to water it to encourage it to grow. So that put me in a lousy mood the rest of the day.
Then yesterday I had to be at a family gathering. At 5pm. On a Sunday. In October. What does that mean? It means I am missing out on football AND the World Series. Man, that was just cruel and unusual. Not the way I want to end a weekend.
So I’m back at work. And I’m happy about it. I don’t have to explain to anyone how messed up that is. So I’m REALLY looking forward to next weekend. When I can do whatever I want. And I think I will specifically make it a point to do WHATEVER I want. I can’t really think of anything I want to do right now. But ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is sounding pretty good right now.
-Dave Q.
So last week I got AT&T to come out to my house and install their digital cable and internet package. They call it “U-Verse.” Which has led me to rename my old cable/internet service from Time-Warner to “U-Suck”.
Check this out. I got AT&T’s biggest package for cable. This is over 300 channels (most of which I’ve never heard of) and free HD for a year. That includes all the premium channels. With U-Suck, I only had HBO. I also got the fastest internet option from U-Verse. I would have inconsistent internet service with U-Suck, but in their slight defense I will say that it did improve in recent months. The bottom line is I am getting so much more now, and I’m saving $30 a month doing it.
Here’s something else. I had the U-Suck HD service. And while I don’t have a flat screen plasma, I do have an HD television. But I always thought to myself that HD just wasn’t worth it. Or that my TV wasn’t that great. To the point that I had started shopping for a new HD set. Well, in comes U-Verse. I couldn’t believe how much better the HD from U-Verse was compared to what U-Suck had! HUGE difference.
Since this service from AT&T is pretty new, I know there will be some growing pains with the service. But I’m willing to deal with that. I get to save some money and tell Time-Warner where to stick it. That is a great trade off in my opinion. You suck, U-Suck.
-Dave Q.
I missed work today in order to get some rest. I’ve been bitten by the flu bug, or at least I think I have the flu. I can’t bring myself to go to the doctor when all they are going to do is tell me to get some over the counter medication, drink lots of fluid, and get some rest. Come to think of it, I can’t have the flu. I am feeling much better and I can’t imaging recovering that fast from the flu. So I guess I just had a cold. By Friday I should be totally over it.
But since I slept so much today, I can’t sleep now. And that sucks because I have to be at work early. So, what now? I guess I’ll watch some TV. Maybe something interesting happened around the world while I was snoozing.
-Dave Q.
I think I’ve been so depressed abou Salma Hayek that it has gotten me sick. Or at least that’s what I’m blaming it on.
Got the sore throat. The congestion. The sore back. My back always gets sore when I’m about to get a cold. Is that just me? Anyway, I’m going to take some DayQuil now. And some orange juice.
-Dave Q.
Mexico’s finest export since tequila, Salma Hayek, has given birth. She is now the mother a baby girl and both mother and daughter are doing well. I have to tell you, I’m pretty shaken up about it.
Salma Hayek as we knew her is pretty much done. I’m sure she’s a talented actress and she will be back in films doing the “acting” stuff. But people didn’t like her for her acting. People liked Salma Hayek because of her kick-ass body. If someone saw that Salma Hayek was going to be in a movie, they would see the movie because there was potential for her skirt to fall off or her blouse to burst open. The girl was stacked!
I know that other celebrities have kids and then hit the gym hard and in some cases look better than before. Gwen Stefani for example. But the difference between those girls and Salma Hayek is that in most cases the girls that get back into hard core shape are usually extremely thin to begin with. The kind of girls that you can see their ribs and pelvic bones. Salma Hayek isn’t like that. Salma Hayek is voluptuous. She has had curves up and down since the first time she hit the big screen. Probably one of the biggest reasons I became a fan. So I just don’t think she is going to get back to a point where her being half naked is going to sell tickets. And I really don’t want her to go all Britney Spears on movie buffs everywhere and try to do something sexy before her body is ready. Play it safe, Salma.
I actually met Salma Hayek back in 1997. She was in San Antonio promoting “Fools Rush In”. My buddy Jay and I rushed downtown and got in line to get a picture and an autograph. She was very short, had a much stronger Spanish accent than she has in her films, and gave me a kiss on the cheek when I told her I skipped a History exam just to come and see her. I have a picture of her and I that, despite the idiot grin on my face, I would proudly post here, except that I never got around to scanning it. I will put that on my to-do list. So until then, here’s a more recent Salma Hayek image above.
In memory of the hot version of Salma Hayek. I know deep down this is how she would have wanted to be remembered.
-Dave Q.
I am now a minister. Yes, it’s true. And so is Horbi. Apparently it really is that easy to become ordained!
I went online during Labor Day weekend after talking to my buddy Chase’s best man, Kanan. A couple of guys there kept making jokes about if something were to happen to the Priest, Kanan would have to be ready to step in. I finally asked him about it and he told me that through a website he became and ordained minister and actually has performed a weeding ceremony. Well, this sounded too cool and easy not to do. So the next day I found the website and submitted an email to a church in Modesto, California to become ordained.
I kind of forgot about it until today. I went through my Gmail inbox and found the email confirmation from “Brother Kevin”. The email was basically telling me I am now a part of the Christian clergy and I can now legally perform a number of ceremonies. Ha! Take that, guidance counselor!
I told Horbi about this and he got all kinds of crazy pumped up to do it too. So he did. Now were are fellow brothers of the cloth. Brother Dave and Brother Horbi. I decided to bless my bottle of Ozarka when I got thirsty. I had never drank Holy Water before. Tastes good!
So, if anyone needs me to perform a wedding ceremony, needs to me to baptize their kid, or needs someone to preside over a funeral, then I’m your man. But I can’t do it for free. The good Lord would want me to charge $1,000 a wedding. And since children are smaller, then 50% off my going rate for baptisms. Funerals? Well, if you have to ask, you can’t afford me.
-Rev. Dave Q.
