I’m not going to pretend to be the most punctual person on the planet. Or even the most punctual person on my tram at work. I’m not a punctual guy. I’m for the most part always late. There. I said it. However, every now and then by some miracle of God, I actually do roll out of bed on time to make it to my glorious job on or ahead of schedule. It’s rare, but it happens. For example, it happened this morning. But I still didn’t get to work on time. Why, you may ask? Traffic. Oh how I hate traffic. So irritating.

And to make things even better, it was traffic that could have been prevented. Let me explain. As I am sitting in the right lane wondering what the hold up is, I start to notice all the cars ahead of me put their left turn signals on. So obviously there in an obstruction of some kind in my lane.

My first thought is, if there was an accident, I hope everyone is ok. The last thing anyone wants to see is some kind of tragedy. So as I finally creep up to be able to see what happened, I catch a glimpse. Then I get pissed. A fender bender. 3 cars. 3 women on their cell phones looking at the damage. 1 car horn that apparently took a hit and wouldn’t shut off.

So now I’m late. All because one of these lovely ladies (And don’t accuse me of being sexist. They could have been dudes and I would still be cursing them.) was probably on their cell phone and not paying attention to what they were doing. So I did the only thing I could do as I creeped by the scene of the crime at 4 mph. I gave them the stare of death. Not that it made a bit of difference. But it did make me feel a little better. And I can only hope it made the one responsible feel like #$!*&.

-Dave Q.

5 Responses to “I Hate Traffic”

  • :

    Wow….the scare of death? How can you be so cruel?!?!

  • :

    All I’ll add is that apparently they don’t teach the fact that the LEFT LANE is for passing in the greater San Antonio area traffic schools. If you’re just cruising along in your 14′ tall Big Foot pick’m up truck, swallow your pride and move out of the left lane so that those of us who like to drive the speed limit may do so. This is the only city on the planet I have ever driven in where the average person drives 5-10mph UNDER the posted speed limit… The “traffice problem” in SA would disappear if people had the courtesy to not drive in the left lane unless they are passing. Somehow it works in the entire country of Germany where you can get upwards of a 400euro fine for passing on the right. If you don’t believe me just try to drive the speed limit in this town in the left lane and see how far you get….

  • :

    I for one am a left lane driver and I dare you to catch me driving the speed limit, least of all 5-10 under! I drive there cause that is the only lane that is going at a decent speed-fast. I agree every slow poke needs to move on over cause I am getting carpal tunnel in my middle finger & I am running out a bad words to yell out my window! Bright side for you David, in 5 days, you will be semi free of traffic for the next 10 months!

  • :

    The stare of death would have freaked me out! I am exposed to that lovely traffic every day! I just turn on my music real loud and start singing, so I don’t drive myself crazy.

  • :

    If I have to deal with a traffic jam, I just want there to be a worthy reason. Not because some bimboe wasn’t looking while she was putting on her mascara. Is that too much to ask?

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Today's Deep Thought

  • Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.