The Quesada Chronicles

I can’t express how happy I am that the political conventions are over.  They have taken way too much TV time.  So now I can focus on the new seasons of The Office, and football!  SNL should be good this weekend.  There isn’t anything quite like SNL during an election year.

Anyway, I’m not sure I learned anything new from either party, except for the fact that we all got to know Sarah Palin a little better.  My opinion on Palin?  She is a FIRECRACKER.  I dig her.  But despite that, in an effort to avoid any bias or hidden agendas, I watched convention coverage on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, ABC, and a couple of others I found randomly while flipping though channels.  I figured if I am going to make a decision in November, it needs to be an educated one.

So after taking in all that convention coverage, let me share with you what I have come away with:

• Barack Obama is a great speaker.
• John McCain is not so great a speaker.
• The Democrats have some serious celebrity power on their side.  Oooooh.
• The protesters at the RNC were protesting against the war by breaking store windows, vandalizing cars, and fighting with police.  So they were protesting violence,… with more violence.  What a bunch of douche-bags.
• I can’t help but wonder if Bill Clinton has tried to get Sarah Palin’s phone number yet.
• Can Paul Begala on CNN be anymore annoying?  He just comes across to me as the kind of guy that would have dressed up like a woman to get off the Titanic.
• Mitt Romney criticizing East Coast Elitists?  Hello, Pot?  This is the Kettle…
• Hey, Keith Olberman on MSNBC.  I liked you so much better when you used to read the sports scores to me on ESPN.  Now I just find myself wanting to punch you in the mouth.  Repeatedly.
• The RNC must own the rights to Kenny Loggins’ greatest hits.  Because they kept playing his music, over, and over…
• It must be stated somewhere that in order to be a delegate for either party, you must be a putz.
• Should I feel bad for wondering what color panties Sarah Palin was wearing during her speech?  Is that disrespectful?
• I gotta tell you.  That John King on CNN?  The dude has a nice head of hair.
• Joe Biden looks like a used car salesman.
• Bill O’Reilly might be insane.
• I can only imagine how Hillary Clinton is feeling about being upstaged by the other woman… yet again.

One last thing about Paul Begala.  What a truly annoying little man.  He seems so… I can’t even think of the word.  Worthless?  Sniveling?  “Wayland Smithers” like?  I don’t know.  I just want someone to give him a swift kick in the groin to see what happens, because I’m not sure he would react.  I just get the impression that he is the ultimate Hillary Clinton “Yes” Man.  This guy just sucks.  Do you remember Paul Reiser’s character “Burke” from Aliens?  He reminds me of him.

So that’s it.  We’ll see how they do here on out.  I’m just hoping that whoever wins this election will take our country in the right direction.  I hope that isn’t asking for too much.  But if either candidate would like to secure my vote, perhaps a policy of shipping Paul Begala nd Keith Olberman to Siberia would seal the deal.

-Dave Q.

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