This is my friend Jen. She emailed me this pic of her. Check out that right eye. Ouch! And check it out a different pic here. That’s a pretty good shiner. Ironically, she is from Shiner, TX. And therefore bleeds Shiner beer. Weird.

Now I can only imagine what happened to her since I did not get an exact description of events that led to this. And trust me, I can imagine a lot. So here it is. My Top Ten possibilities on how Jen got a black eye:

  1. Face planted while skateboarding.
  2. Let her guard down while boxing a kangaroo.
  3. Wore Obama gear at a Hillary rally.
  4. Tried to take candy away from her 1st graders.
  5. Attempted to act out a seen from the second Jack Ass movie.
  6. Someone told her chicks with black eyes are sexy.
  7. Got in the way of a football pass, Marsha Brady style.
  8. Bar fight with soccer hooligans.
  9. Walked into wall.
  10. She plays softball, so…… she probably talked too much trash after a game.

These are just theories. We will probably never, ever know the truth about what happened to Jen. I am pretty sure it’s one of the above (leaning towards kangaroo). But if there is a realistic scenario I haven’t considered, please let me know.

And yes, I’ve thought about straight up asking her what happened. But judging by the beating she took, she probably has no recollection of the past couple of weeks. Poor girl.

-Dave Q.

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Today's Deep Thought

  • I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary.