Most of you know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. That it’s pretty much a fraud. But that doesn’t mean I won’t celebrate it. I’m not a monster. I know how much Valentine’s Day can mean to some people (women). So, I do go out and buy her gifts. And more enjoyably for me, I do take my Valentine out for a lavish dinner. But no way in hell am I doing dinner on February 14th! Absolutely not. Final answer. And I have plenty of reasons. Let’s go through the motions of a nice dinner at a nice restaraunt on St. Valentine’s Day. I already feel like giving Dr. Kevorkian a call.
To start, you must make reservations. But it doesn’t really matter, because you will get to your destination on time, but you’re still in for a wait. A loooooooong wait. And you will be in a waiting area with 20+ other cranky Valentine couples. And not enough chairs for everyone. It would be nice if all the “gentlemen” would give up their seats for the females, but that’s not happening either. Things are kicking off nicely.
To hell with Starbucks. I’ve never gotten coffee there. Never had an urge to drink coffee. Or cappucino. Or whatever fancy words they use these days for hot chocolate. I blame this on the bad marketing. Nothing I see from Starbucks tells me they are targeting guys to sell their products to. I don’t know if there are any other coffee chains out there, but if there are, I haven’t seen anything from them either. Seriously, though. Are there any coffee chains besides Starbucks?
But due to clever marketing, my avoidance to these snooty coffee places may come to an end. I have discovered something that has been “brewing” in the Seattle area (ha! “Brewing”! Get it?). A whole new way to market coffee. Brace yourselves for this. Ready? Scantily clad girls! Yes, you read correctly. Girls, in some cases wearing just their bras and panties, serving you coffee through a drive-thru window. Brilliant!
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It’s like Hooters meets Maxwell House, but with hot girls instead of skanks! Well, mostly hot girls. 
And come on. Don’t flame me for that skanks comment. We all know that today’s quality of the Hooters girl ain’t what it used to be. The girls at these coffee houses have that “girl next door” look, which is a refreshing change from the nasty, strung out Hooters girl you get that keeps forgetting your curly fires under the heat lamp. Anyway, check out the links below. I hope to be visiting Seattle sometime in the near future. And when I do, I definietly plan on getting my coffee drink on!
http://www.cowgirlsespresso.com/
http://www.thesweetspotcafe.com
Please pass the sugar. Huh? This stuff is already sweet? I knew that.
-Dave Q.
Here is one of the guys claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. His name is Howard K. Stern. Not to be confused with the super classy radio personality Howard Stern (As heard on Sirius Satellite Radio, which if you ask me is a great stock buy. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a shareholder. Maybe I am.). This Howard K. Stern guy has “slimeball” written all over him. He was Anna Nicole’s lawyer, which makes him look even worse. Why do I feel this way, you ask? Well, for starters, he sold this interview to Entertainment Tonight for $1 million! $1 million freakin’ dollars!!! Does that sound like something a man sincerely grieving over losing someone he loved would do? Or more like someone who realized he could cash in on all this hoopla? You decide. You can see the interview below.
[youtube= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nujyGzyNRd8]
Now there is serious chatter that this guy may not have only had something with Anna Nicole’s demise, but also the death of her son (Daniel who died in the Bahamas last year). The dude just gives off a sinister vibe. Kind of like that Scott Peterson dirt bag. This is getting weirder every day.
This is ridiculous. So how many dudes are claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby? Four? Five maybe? The fact that so many can put in this claim speaks volumes of the kind of “lady” Anna Nicole Smith, or should I say Vickie Hogan (her real name), was.
And then all these guys claiming to be the daddy. Do they really care about this kid? Or do they see $$$ signs if they are given custody? As harsh as it is, this kid is essentially a $500 million lottery ticket, and these guys know it. Depending on the outcome of an ongoing court battle, Anna Nicole Smith could have inherited a fortune. So if in the end the courts rule she gets the money, then it would go to her children. And since her 20 year old son died last year (you guessed it, drugs), the 5 month old little girl gets the cash. Wow.
So the father could be her lawyer, her former photographer, freakin’ Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s husband, or her dead ex-husband’s. No joke on the last guy! And he’s been dead over a decade! At this point I’m not ruling out that it could be Jason Roller’s.
I don’t feel bad for Anna Nicole Smith. Or for anyone that is blessed with good fortune and financial freedom and throw it all away because they liked drugs so much. The lady wasn’t all there, probably because her brain was fried. And at the end she had the IQ of a peanut butter cup.
I do feel bad for the baby, though. I hope whoever the real daddy is will step up and truly take care of the kid. Assuming they find the real dad. With all the possibilities, it could take years. Ahhhh, Anna Nicole… what a lady.
-Dave Q.
Usually I don’t mind this time of year. Football season ending usually provides a nice transition into a greater love of mine: basketball. Not just any basketball, but NBA basketball! And not just any NBA basketball, but San Antonio Spurs NBA basketball!! You get the point. I live in San Antonio and have been a die hard Spurs fan most my life. But sadly at this point, I’m already prepping for the “die hard” part.
The Spurs are playing like #%!@&! And the sad thing is, they are still one of the best teams in the league! Spurs fans have been spoiled by their solid play over the years. We’ve come to expect perfection. Anything less than a championship is a wasted season. And even though Spurs fans have it better than most other teams, it still disgusts me when they lose. Especially to infererior teams, like the T-Wolves, or the Kobe Bryants. But that is just the year they are having. Although they are going to make the playoffs, I don’t expect them to do well. It’s just not their year.
So, what I’m trying to say is, that it’s going to be a long season as a Spurs fan. There has already been so much frustration. So many headaches. And now that football is done for the year, it will be that much more amplified. So here’s hoping things get better. And here’s to spring training that is right around the corner! Only the start of Atlanta Braves baseball can tear my focus from the train wreck that is the Spurs right now. Anyone know when pitchers and cathers report?
-Dave Q.
I went to the supermarket last night to get some food for my dogs, Max and Murphy. As much as I’d like to think of them as the fearless protectors of Quesada Manor, I know deep down if I were ever being burlarized they would probably hold the door open while the thieves carried out my big screen. Even though they are wimps, the law says I still have to feed them.
Anyway, as I walked into the supermarket, I was reminded of the time of year it is. Giant heart shaped candy boxes and stuffed animals bombarding me left and right. It’s a time when men spend loads of money to remind their girls that they care about them. A time when single women wallow in self-pity while finishing off a gallon of Bluebell and watching reruns of Sex and the City. A time when single men rejoice, and laugh at other men in relationships. Oh yes. It’s Valentine’s Day. A day that I’m not a big fan of for plenty of reasons. Reasons I’ll be sure to explain next week.
On the positive side, this is really the last of the holidays I have to worry about for a while. I can finally start saving money again after this one. You see, I have family that starts having birthdays begining in September. One month after another. It wraps up with my little sister’s birthday in February. And since I like to splurge on gifts, it takes some time to “rebuild the financial empire”, if you know what I mean. So I see the light at the end of the Holiday tunnel.
In the spirit of St. Valentine’s, I found a couple of well used websites for this time of year that I’d like to share with you all. The people at Infidelity.com will follow your significant other around and gather evidence if they are being unfaithful or not, for a nominal fee. They are no doubt making a killing this time of year! And so is The Alibi Network. These guys help you with your infidelity. For example, if you tell your husband or wife that you need to go out of town on business, they will help provide you with the proof to support your claim of where you were. At least, that’s how I understand it.
So you have two resources here. One to help you cheat, the other to catch you cheating. And people say there’s no such thing as love…
-Dave Q.
Seeing as how I was one of the last six people on God’s green Earth to have not seen an episode of American Idol, I decided to finally succomb to the peer pressure last night. They were showing the auditons that took place in San Antonio. Seeing as how I’ve lived here most my life, I figured now would be as good as any to check out the show. I used to play softball with a girl that had a voice (she would sing at weddings from time to time), so I thought there was a chance that she might make an appearance.
I felt for some of the contestants. To see some of them audition was like watching a train wreck. You knew things were going to get ugly, but you couldn’t look away. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this since I have no doubt all of you have already experienced this while watching the show, but remember, it’s my first time. Be gentle.
So there were a couple of people that auditioned that made San Antonio look, dare I say, ghetto? One lady was upset that Simon Cowell didn’t like her daughter’s singing. She made a comment among the lines of “This is AMERICAN Idol! He isn’t even American! How can he be a judge? He should go back to France!” Nice work, lady. Simon Cowell is English, not French. Way to make the Alamo City look sharp! Another guy, who resembled my little sister’s mini-aussie (Cinch is hideous, Olga) came out of the audtion cursing the judges because they rejected him. Dude was horrible. Grow up and take it like a man. You weren’t good enough and then you left your dignity on the floor when you threw insults. Way to go, loser.
I don’t know if I’ll watch the show again, but I’ll be keeping tabs to see how long the SA participants will last. I hope the girl that makes the weird faces when she sings fixes that problem. She’s got a good voice, in my professional opinion. But the faces she makes scare the hell out of me!
-Dave Q.
The Snickers commercial that came on during the Super Bowl showing two mechanics kissing by accident has been pulled. Apparently at the Snickers web site, there was video of players from the Colts and Bears reacting to the commercial. Let’s just say they weren’t embracing the “guy love”. GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, complained to the Snickers people that the ad was prejudice and the video of the players reaction would help fuel anti-gay views.
All I have to say is that I am happy that the commercial won’t be shown anymore. You can even say I’m “GLAAD”! Ha! Get it? Anyway, whatever it took to bring down that ad is fine with me. I just didn’t see the humor in it. It grossed me out. Does that make me anti-gay? Hell no. And here’s why: Do the same commercial with two girls, preferably young attractive ones, and I will watch it all the time! I’ll even Tivo it. I might even try a Snickers!
-Dave Q.
