The Quesada Chronicles

Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

At an intersection very close to where I live, there is a strip mall on every corner.  Traffic is pretty bad in that area, especially on the weekends.  So it’s easy to get caught at a red light there.  Now usually that would be a boring experience, except that at this intersection is where a certain someone hangs out.  He is usually talking to himself.  Doing some martial arts moves.  Harassing pedestrians.   And making faces at anyone who makes eye contact with him.  I have dubbed this individual as “Crazy Asian Guy”.  And all of what you just read is 100% true.

I don’t know exactly how long Crazy Asian Guy has been hanging out at that corner.  I first noticed him around a year ago.  He almost always has a camo jacket, blue baseball cap, and sunglasses on.  Dude is really into whatever conversation he is having with himself.  I’ve seen him engage some drivers in conversation.  Or maybe he was talking to the cars.  Not sure.  Anyway, I’m going to make it a goal this summer to get Crazy Asian Guy on video.  Maybe I can get him while he’s talking to a fire hydrant about the weather.

-Dave Q.

This is unusual…

I’ve watched enough news lately to know that this winter could be described as “somewhat harsh”.  Snowstorms terrorizing the northeast and mid-west!  People getting trapped in their homes!  Car accidents!  Cities being shutdown because they don’t have enough snowplows, blah, blah, blah!  I feel for my fellow citizens going through all that.  But they live in places where the winters can be rough.  Being a tropical guy myself, I know I wouldn’t do well in that environment.  And that is one reason I call San Antonio home.  The climate is to my liking.  Not too hot, and not too… wait a minute…  What the hell??

My dog Murphy. Freezing his balls off.

Let me say it never snows in San Antonio.  Never!  And in the past when people would get all excited because the forecast called for a couple of snow flurries, nothing would happen.  Nada.  Zip. Zilch.  And I’m cool with that, because I don’t like to be cold!  Anyway, It’s gotten to the point whenever someone even hinted at snow in SA I would automatically tune them out.  I even told a few people this time around that there was no way it was going to snow this time around.  I was wrong.

I know it’s nothing compared to what, say, the New England area gets, but an inch of snow in San Antonio is a big deal.  It’s even a bigger deal because people here don’t know how to drive in the white stuff.  So tow-truck drivers had a field day today picking up cars and collision centers across the city are no doubt licking their chops with all the business about to head there way.  I think I heard something in the neighborhood of 200 car accidents?  Who knows what the final tally was.

So I guess Al Gore was right about Global Warming.  Or at least I heard that is what’s responsible for all this snow.  Makes sense, right?  NOT.  Go to hell, Al Gore.  It’s one of the coldest winters in recent history!  I’m definitely not a believer.  I wonder how much money this guy has reeled in from convincing people of this crap?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some hot cocoa that needs heating.

-Dave Q.

Check out this beauty I got in my email inbox today.  Come on, Gmail!  Shouldn’t your spam filter be picking this stuff up?  Anyway, not only am I annoyed with receiving this authentic email from the one and only Ban Ki-moon, Secretary General of the United Nations, but I’m also somewhat insulted.  If you’re going to try and scam me, at least have the decency to use proper grammar!  That’s just plain laziness.  It’s not just incorrect grammar, it’s flat out horrendous.  I had a hard time trying to piece a couple of their sentences together.  How are you supposed to fool anyone when it’s so poorly worded?  If someone falls for this crap, I think they deserve it.

So I’m guessing they used some kind of translation software before sending out the mass spam.  With Gmail’s spam filter doing such a knock-out job, my guess is they used Google Translator.  But I can forgive this, Google, since your Google Contacts app is pretty awesome.

But back to this Mr. Ban Ki-moon and his attempt to give me money.  After I got over the annoyance of the spam, I read this beauty of a letter.  I love how it warns me of other fake spammers out there and this one is actually legit.  And they must be on the up and up if the CC’d the friggin’ FBI!  Oh yeah, and he copied Attorney General Eric Holder.  And of course, nice touch with the header including a pic of the UN.  That’s enough for me, where do I sign?

Go to hell, spammers.

-Dave Q.

Names have been changed to protect the boneheaded innocent…

I just want to share with you something that happened to a friend of mine recently.  My friend, Jake, works as a master plumber and was at a job site recently when a truck pulled up with a couple of guys.  One of them got out and asked him if he or any of his crew would be interested in buying some home theater equipment.  The guy told Jake that he was doing some work in an exclusive area of town (The Dominion for those that are familiar with San Antonio) setting up a home theater.  He then said that by accident he was sent double of each piece of equipment and that his home office wasn’t aware of this mistake, so that he wanted to unload it in a hurry.

So Jake asked to see the equipment.  They showed him the boxes that were still sealed and didn’t appear damaged.  There were boxes for speakers, a projector, a receiver, etc.  Jake saw the brand was Visionmax, which he hadn’t heard of.  That’s when he called another buddy of ours, Brent.  Jake basically told Brent that these guys were looking at selling all this equipment for $800 and asked Brent to research it online real quick to see if it was even worth that much.  Brent went on the internet, found the Visionmax website, found the model number, and saw that they sell for $4,000!  The website look legit! Damn!  Sounds like a good deal at this point, right?

So after Brent give the thumbs up to Jake, he hangs up the phone.  However, he continues to Google Visionmax.  And then he starts reading a couple of links talking about a scam.  And that’s when he reads of a scam where a guy shows up to a work site and claims to have extra home theater equipment!  WTF?!? So Brent calls back Jake multiple times and he doesn’t answer.  Finally Jake calls him back and Brent tells him “It’s a scam!  Don’t do it!”….  (silence on the other end of the phone…)  It was too late.  Jake had given the douchebags $800 for the garbage they were peddling.  A tough lesson to learn.  And we don’t speak of it.  Mainly because if his wife finds out, he’s a dead man.

Anyway, I hope this makes you aware of these scams and maybe helps you avoid a tough situation.  Not worth it.  Ask “Jake”.

-Dave Q.

If you are anything like me, you probably have a junk email account.  An account that you use for those situations that demand an email address but that you don’t really have much interest in what they send you.  Well, I was going through my junk email account when I came across this.

I participated in a garage sale a couple of weekends ago.  And to help generate some traffic, I posted the garage sale on Craigslist.  So a couple of days ago I came across this gem in the old junk mailbox.  Was I sure I had to sell my “garage sale”?  Yes.  I was.  God I hate spammers.  But I hate spammers even more when they don’t even try.  I’m sure the article you wanted me to read was very compelling, Larissa (if that is your real name), but instead of me clicking on that link, how about you go to hell instead?  Sound good?

So if any spammers would like to email someone dumb enough to ask me if I really want to sell my “garage sale”, please email “Larissa” at larissabchrd@gmail.com.  She would love to have some email sent her way.

-Dave Q.

That’s Jared.  Yeah, that Jared.  Subway’s Jared.  Jared friggin’ Fogle.  Mr. I Lost Weight By Only Eating Subway.  Yeah.  I think he found all that weight he lost.

What the hell happened??!?  I remember joking with friends back in the day that Subway better pray that Jared didn’t one day keel over from a heart attack.  This can’t be good for business.  Someone needs to renew his gym membership or something.  If I owned any stock in Subway, I might want to consider selling.  And then recommend at the next shareholders meeting that they stop offering cookies with those oh so healthy sandwiches.

Speaking of fat guys, surely you saw this pic by now.  The pic above was taken by a stewardess flight attendant who had to be wondering how the hell she was gonna get the drink cart past that dude.  Seriously though, WTF?  Big time safety risk.  If there was an emergency, can you imagine all the problems the passengers would encounter?  I’d be pissed if I died in a plane because a fat guy crushed me during some turbulence.

For all I know that guy on the plane could have been Jared.

-Dave Q.

Now here is a cause I can get behind. 

October is here.  And that means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. And it’s times like these that I feel I should speak out.  You see everyone, few causes are as important as this one.  You want to Save the whales?  That’s great.  But let’s save the boobs first, got it?  Priorities, people!

You want to hug a tree?  That’s cool.  Me?  I’d rather hug boobs.  And I think I speak for every man and woman out there that boobs take priority over trees.  So, to hell with the trees.  Save the boobs!  This cannot be ignored!!  If that means other causes have to be put on the back burner, so be it!  Priorities, people.

What about PETA?  Hmmm…  no.  Save the boobs, damn it!  I hope I am getting through to everyone.  This is absolutely of the utmost importance!!  Don’t ignore this plea.  To illustrate how motivated I am about this, I will offer free breast exams as long as there is something in writing that I can’t be held accountable for anything.  I am just trying to help here.

A world without boobs is a world I don’t want to be in.  

-Dave Q.

I guess September 21st in Afghanistan is recognized as “Peace Day”.  That’s cool.  Peace is a good thing.  But I think this may be a bad omen…

Eh.  Maybe the dove was just sleeping.

-Dave Q.