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Here’s some new year cheer from FunnyOrDie.com…
By the way, if you haven’t checked out their site, you should. It’s somewhat funny. 
-Dave Q.
So I’ve been thinking. What will be my New Year’s resolution? Well, I usually pick a few. That way when one falls through, I have another to fall back on. Always thinking ahead…
Naturally, I want to get in better shape. I wouldn’t say I’m hideous, but I think I could drop a pound or two. But that wouldn’t be the ultimate goal. That would simply be a bonus. In getting in shape, I mean I want to be able to do more athletically and physically. I want to run farther. Go biking longer. Play ball better. So my first resolution of the new year is to be more active. Eating better could go along with that. My diet sucks balls.
Next, I want to buy a gun. I’m a red-blooded American, and have been thinking of buying a gun for years. It just has never been a priority. But I’m picking this as the year to do it. And of course, if I’m going to buy a gun, I will have to learn how to use it. So going to the gun range will also be on the agenda. I’m still not too sure which gun to buy, however. A 9mm wouldn’t be bad. But a shotgun would definitely get the point across. In case you’re wondering, it would be for the sole purpose of protection. As in if I hear someone trying to break in my front door, a verbal warning and the sound of a shotgun being loaded should be enough to discourage any would be burglars.
What else? Ahhh yes. I want to learn how to cook. And BBQ. I have done both in the past, but not to a point that I can be proud of. So maybe I will look into some cooking classes. And a new BBQ grill. An ex roommate of mine really jacked up my last one. So that needs to be replaced.
This is starting to look more like a Christmas wish list instead of New Year’s Resolutions. So to sum up, I want a gun, a BBQ grill, and an HD camcorder. See how I snuck that last one in there?
Last but not least, spend more time with family loved ones. And take the dogs to the park more. And not complain about Brian complaining when I kill him at Call of Duty 4.
This resolutions crap is hard work.
-Dave Q.
Wow. 2007 just flew by. Was it as good for you as it was for me? I need a cigarette.
Happy New Year everyone!
-Dave Q.
My buddy Jay and I made a bet when the Tennessee Titans drafted Vince Young. He said Vince Young would lead the Titans to the playoffs sometime within his first 3 years. I said he wouldn’t. Last night I lost the bet. Sort of.
The Titans beat the Colts Sunday night, and with that win, squeaked into the playoffs. Never mind that good old VY was on the sideline (with yet another injury) when his team went ahead. But it is notable that the backup QB, Kerry Collins, was the one getting interviewed right after the game. Camera time usually reserved for the player that made the biggest impact to victory. But, oh well. Vince “Wonderlic” Young is on the Titans. And the Titans are in the playoffs. So Jay wins the bet. The first bet he has won against me since we were Sophomore’s in high school 17 years ago. At a boy, Jay! Nice job, man.
Still, I have to express how much Vince Young sucks. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t bring up the sensational 2007 stats that he produced. I won’t mention that beautiful QB rating, since children under the age of 18 could be reading this. But I will say this: I don’t know anything that defines “leading one’s team into the playoffs” like throwing 9 TDs and 17 interceptions for the season. Wow. Friggin’ wow.
The worst thing about this situation is not that I will be giving Jay a bottle of his favorite liquor. I actually like that part. Crown Royal makes him happy, so I’m cool with that. No, the worst part about this is that I will have to keep seeing Vince Young try to throw a football. The Titans play the Chargers next week. And since I like the Chargers, I will be watching the game. And cringing when I see Vince Young firing those ever so tight spirals to his receivers.
The more I think about this, the more I think Jay will have to wait on his bottle of Crown. I’m going to need every drop of that shit to get through that game.
-Dave Q.
Picture this if you will: A guy is walking in a city park. He comes across a girl, presumably attractive, who is sunbathing. Topless. A topless female sunbather in a city park. Just wanted to get that point across. Anyway, They strike up a conversation. Things get flirty, and the girl asks to see the guy’s package. The guy obliges the topless girl, and then cops swarm in and arrest him. If this isn’t a setup I don’t know what is. And apparently this really happened, and there’s video of it too. But nothing to get too excited about, like this guy did.
If you read the article, it says that the guy was walking through the city park and found the girl sunbathing topless under a tree. That should have been his first clue that something wasn’t right. Sunbathing under a tree? Who does that? Look at the picture. Looks like she’s in the shade to me.
I’m trying to figure out what the hell the Columbus Police Dept. thought was going to happen? I can understand to a certain degree that they are trying to keep perverts out of the park, but come on. You basically set the stage for some poor schmuck to star in his own porn scene and not expect him to follow through? Are the police officers there so inept that this is the only way they can make arrests? That’s pretty jacked up.
I really feel bad for this guy. Pervert or not, this is entrapment. I hope the judge goes easy on him. And I hope the girl was worth it.
And I am documenting the fact that it is legal for women in Columbus, OH to sunbathe topless. Duly noted.
-Dave Q.
[myspacetv 17899754]
I’m done. My team is out of the playoffs. I lost to a friend of mine who loves the Dallas Cowboys so much, that I know more about what they are about than he does (remember the T.O. thing, Jay?). Now I will be watching football for the pure leisure of it. And I will only stress about a game I care about. Here’s hoping for a final four of the Packers, Bucs, Chargers, and Pats.
And here’s to not caring about a meaningless interception here, or a fumble there. Or whatever. To hell with this. Screw you guys. There’s always next season.
-Dave Q.
(My Dad sent this one to me…)
To My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
-Dave Q.
These are the top 10 quotes of 2007, according to some big wig at Yale.
1. “Don’t tase me, Bro!” — University of Florida student Andrew Meyer on September 17, as he tried to stop campus police from throwing him out of a speech by Sen. John Kerry.
2. “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us.” — Lauren Upton, the South Carolina contestant in the Miss Teen America contest in August.
3. “In Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country.” — Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s October comment at Columbia University in New York.
4. “That’s some nappy-headed hos there.” — Shock jock Don Imus comments about the Rutgers University women’s basketball team.
5. “I don’t recall.” — Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ repeated response to questioning at a congressional hearing about the firing of U.S. attorneys.
6. “There’s only three things he (Republican presidential candidate and former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11.” — Sen. Joseph Biden, speaking at a Democratic presidential debate.
7. “I’m not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Vice President Dick Cheney) who has a 9 percent approval rating.” — Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Democrat.
8. “(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom.” — Idaho Republican Sen. Larry Craig’s explanation of why his foot touched that of an undercover policeman in a men’s room.
9. “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” — Biden describing rival Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama.
10. “I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history.” – Former President Jimmy Carter in an interview in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette newspaper.
I’m hoping someone comes out with a classic quote within the next 10 days. That would totally screw up Professor Ivy League’s list. I wonder if he’s sweating out the rest of December. Almost like you do when your team is up by 1 with little time left, and the other team has possession. Go, clock! Go!
-Dave Q.
