Alright boys and girls. I just got off the phone with my good friend, Nick. He has just announced that he will be hosting a poker tournament! And judging from the amount of people he is expecting, this is going to be huge! Actually, I can’t really say, since I know nothing about poker tournaments, let alone poker. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy inviting 5 good friends over to play cards, talk trash to them, have a few beers, and maybe even win a hand. But by no means do I know what I’m doing.
Uh… who shuffled the cards?
Then again, maybe I’m stating all this in the hopes that my buddies, and anyone else that may be playing poker that night, think that I am a horrible poker player. When in reality, I might be the second coming of Brett Maverick! This could all be a smokescreen. You know, smoke and mirrors? But truth be told, I suck. But, another truth be told, I’m awesome at poker. Or am I? Confused yet? I would bet that you are. And then I would raise that bet. Wham!
Still thinking about the dogs…
As of now, Nick hasn’t told me when he’s going to have his tournament. He’s just told me that it will happen soon. So if you don’t ever hear me mention it again, then it probably means I lost… badly. And if that happens, so what? Some of the best times I have are playing poker with friends. I’ll take that over going to a smoke filled, crowded club anytime. But then my friends become my enemies after I take their money and embarrass them with my ninja like poker skills… 
Smokescreens…
-Dave Q.
***UPDATE!*** Looks like we will have a poker night this Saturday! I get paid tomorrow so maybe I can last longer than usual. I’m talking about cards, folks.
Well, Murphy completed his heartworm treatment today. He appears to be comfortable, but the vet said that he will be hurting for a while. It will take about 6 months for him to get all that junk out of his system. But for now, things are looking good.
My buddy Jay sent this to me. It’s video of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the 2007 Tony Awards. Freakin’ hysterical! Fitting since all I’ve had on my mind the last few days is my dogs.
Now I need a nap. All this stress has got me dog tired. There I go again…
-Dave Q.
“With the exception of women, there is nothing on earth so agreeable or necessary to the comfort of man as the dog.” ~Edward Jesse, Anecdote of Dogs
I got some bad news this weekend. I took the dogs to the vet on Saturday to get checked out. Well, Murphy didn’t check out so good. He’s got heartworms. And now he needs to go through a bit of a rough (and expensive) treatment to get through it. The doc says he’s healthy, and he’s acting completely normal, so those are good signs that the treatment will be successful.
This is completely my fault. I got lazy in giving Murphy and Max their heartworm meds. And now Murphy is going to suffer for it. I feel like shit. I just want the little guy to come out of this okay. And I have to consider it a miracle that Max didn’t have heartworms. Any treatment on Max would have much more risk since he’s older.
I know Murphy is just a dog. And not a bright one at that. But after hearing the vet explain all the risks involved with the procedure, I couldn’t look at Murphy and not be a little emotional. I know there are a lot of people out there that their pets are their lives, taking them everywhere they go, dressing them up, taking them for pictures with Santa, etc. Well, anyone who knows me know that I don’t go to those extremes. But I also can’t imagine life without my dogs. And the thought of losing one of them is depressing. I’ve learned my lesson. I will make it a point to never let this happen again.
So tomorrow morning Murphy starts his two days of treatment. And all the recovery time that goes with it. Hopefully he’ll be doped up on enough painkillers to forgive me for my outright stupidity.
I’m sorry, Murph. Maybe once this is over, we can look back and laugh at this whole ordeal over a drink or two. Just like the good old days. Deal?
-Dave Q.
Sometime last week Jon Lovitz kicked the crap out of Andy Dick at a comedy club. Apparently it stemmed from something Andy Dick said to Lovitz regarding the late Phil Hartman. You could read the story here if you want more details.
I’ve never liked Andy Dick. His 15 minutes expired a long time ago. The guy is so damn obnoxious and his antics can only be described as raunchy. What a douche bag. Now that I read he may have had an indirect role in Phil Hartman’s death, I only hope he gets what’s coming to him. I would just like him to do what his career did a long time ago: Disappear. Just go away, Andy Dick. Nobody likes you.
In case any of you don’t remember the SNL legend that was Phil Hartman, here is one of his classic SNL clips with Jon Lovitz. This ought to jog some memories. He also was the first on SNL to play Bill Clinton. Remember those days?
Phil Hartman & Jon Lovitz
At any rate, I have to think that Jon Lovitz has to feel bad. Apparently it is well documented among comedians that Andy Dick is a colossul jack-ass, but how could anyone be proud of beating up him up? Happy? Yes. But proud? I don’t think so. Most 9 year-olds could have done that. Andy Dick no doubt has the fighting skills of your average 87-year old woman. And the only “man” I can think of that would have probably enjoyed beating up someone as pathetic as Andy Dick is…. uhh….. Andy Dick! Ha! Imagine that? The irony.
By the way, Jon Lovitz has now made my heroes list. Along with Spider-Man and Scott Baio.
-Dave Q.
Got the other bag in yesterday. Everything was in the bag, and then some. I found mold growing on clothes. Trust me when I say it wasn’t there before.
So I am writing yet another letter to Continental Airlines, if that is their real name. I have no idea what to expect from them, but I am determined to try to get something out of it. If any of you have ever experienced a lost luggage headache like this one, I’d like to hear if you got compensated or not. I want justice!
-Dave Q.
I’ve been doing some thinking after looking over a couple of my magazine subscriptions. GQ Magazine had Jessica Alba on the cover of it’s June issue. And this month’s issue has Jessica Biel gracing the cover. One can arguably say that these two girls are the hottest female commodities in Hollywood right now. But if you had to choose one, who would it be? Damn. This one is really, really tough. And I promise I’m not being sarcastic… for once. If I were making a movie, here is what I would take into consideration when picking my leading Jessica:
Backgrounds: Both come from good, wholesome, family shows as child stars. Biel used to star in ultra religious 7th Heaven. Alba starred in the the Disney Channel’s modern adaptaion of Flipper. This is kind of a boring category, so I won’t put too much value on it. ADVANTAGE: DRAW
Current Projects: Both have movies coming out soon. Alba is starring in “Good Luck Chuck”, which comes out later this summer. Her romantic interest in the film is Dane Cook. That guy blows. I mean, Dane Cook? That’s the best they could do? Makes me wonder if it’s going to be a comedy or not. Because, well, that guy isn’t funny. Biel is co-starring with Adam Sandler and Keving James in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”. That one looks like it might be worth watching. And what’s with the name “Chuck” in these movies? ***Just a quick note that they will both be showing a good amount of skin, so it may be worthwhile to see both movies. Twice.*** ADVANTAGE: BIEL
Physical Appearance: Alba has the more exotic look. Definitely has a good figure. And can be versatile. She can play her latin self, or even play a blonde, blue eyed superhero (Fantastic 4) or blonde, (insert eye color) stripper (Sin City). Although Biel is more limited in what she can do with her appearance so far, she does have a more defined physique. Nicer curves. She’s got that tattoo I’m not a fan of, but Alba has the piercing. As a bonus, they both look like they enjoy playing sports! Damn. This is a tough one. Hmmmmm. ADVANTAGE: BIEL
Personal Lives: I don’t really hear much about Alba. And surprisingly, this is a good thing. The less I know about a celebrity’s personal life, the less likely I am to stop caring about their projects. Having said that, I understand that Biel is dating the very manly Justin Timberlake. Seriously, Biel? I know that’s not the best you can do. That guy sucks. I’d rather she go lesbian. Right now. ADVANTAGE: ALBA
Acting Ability: Uh-huh… Yeah… Next category please… ADVANTAGE: DRAW
Potential: I think Biel has huge potential. But I’m not all that keen on her decision making abilities, as in the scripts she chooses. At least so far there hasn’t been a clear cut break-through movie of hers. On the other hand, Alba has ‘Sin City’ on her resume. And a sequel to it coming up. So she gets points for that. And also Alba seems to have the more out going personality. I thought she did a good job on the MTV movie awards last year. ADVANTAGE: ALBA
So in conclusion, the choice is clear. If I were making a movie, I would have to choose… both of them. Check out this plot! Alba would be framed for murder, escape from custody, and go on the run. Biel can be a bounty hunter, kicking ass all the way until she nabs Alba. Then, somehow or another, Biel decides to help Alba, and they both go out to prove her innocence by finding the real killer. And one night after a couple of drinks in the hot tub… you know. 
Now, what no-talent Jessica could I get to play the villain?
Go ahead and start engraving that Oscar now. That’s Quesada with a “Q”. Thanks.
-Dave Q.
Dear (alleged) friends,
You tricked me. Completely pulled the wool over my eyes. I saw the “film”. I ended up wasting 2 hours and 24 minutes of my life. 2 hours and 24 minutes I could have wasted doing something else, like watching ESPN Classic, or sleeping. I’m not sure what I did to all of you, but it must have been bad. Or maybe you are all just mean spirited people who get kicks in knowing that you have sent someone to sit and suffer through a film with a horrible plot, pitiful acting, and a pathetic excuse for a script. Honestly, I wonder if anyone involved in the making of that movie had ever watched the cartoons as a kid.
Anyway, you got me good. Completely posterized me. Bravo. Congratulations (clap, clap, clap). I hope you all can sleep at night. And if you do, you are all probably dreaming of kicking puppies.
I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But you’ll get yours. Karma is a crazy thing. And Karma might have you sitting through a chick flick. Hopefully one with Barbara Streissand. Or Susan Sarandon. Or both. And for any females that said I should go watch it, I hope you miss a shoe sale or something.
-Dave Q.
One duffle bag has been returned. The other, still lost somewhere in the black hole that lost luggage gets sucked into. My duffle bag that was returned wasn’t without damage. Some clothes got some kind of mold growing on them. The only moisture I found in the bag was from a shampoo bottle that busted open, and of course, got all over some clothes.
I should stop complaining so much. I am glad to get some stuff back, like my favorite flip-flops and jeans. But I want ALL the stuff back. It’s now been 18 days since the luggage was lost. I still blame Continental Airlines for starting the screw-up domino effect. We’ll see what they do to keep me as a customer. I’ll keep you posted.
-Dave Q.
