Archive for the ‘Not Cool’ Category
Picture this if you will: A guy is walking in a city park. He comes across a girl, presumably attractive, who is sunbathing. Topless. A topless female sunbather in a city park. Just wanted to get that point across. Anyway, They strike up a conversation. Things get flirty, and the girl asks to see the guy’s package. The guy obliges the topless girl, and then cops swarm in and arrest him. If this isn’t a setup I don’t know what is. And apparently this really happened, and there’s video of it too. But nothing to get too excited about, like this guy did.
If you read the article, it says that the guy was walking through the city park and found the girl sunbathing topless under a tree. That should have been his first clue that something wasn’t right. Sunbathing under a tree? Who does that? Look at the picture. Looks like she’s in the shade to me.
I’m trying to figure out what the hell the Columbus Police Dept. thought was going to happen? I can understand to a certain degree that they are trying to keep perverts out of the park, but come on. You basically set the stage for some poor schmuck to star in his own porn scene and not expect him to follow through? Are the police officers there so inept that this is the only way they can make arrests? That’s pretty jacked up.
I really feel bad for this guy. Pervert or not, this is entrapment. I hope the judge goes easy on him. And I hope the girl was worth it.
And I am documenting the fact that it is legal for women in Columbus, OH to sunbathe topless. Duly noted. 
-Dave Q.
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I’m done. My team is out of the playoffs. I lost to a friend of mine who loves the Dallas Cowboys so much, that I know more about what they are about than he does (remember the T.O. thing, Jay?). Now I will be watching football for the pure leisure of it. And I will only stress about a game I care about. Here’s hoping for a final four of the Packers, Bucs, Chargers, and Pats.
And here’s to not caring about a meaningless interception here, or a fumble there. Or whatever. To hell with this. Screw you guys. There’s always next season.
-Dave Q.
Not cool, Jessica.Jessica Alba is pregnant. She and some guy named Cash Warren (I guess that’s his real name) are expecting a baby next spring. First Salma Hayek, now this. This sucks.
So here are a couple of things to remember Miss Alba by. Since these days are pretty much over. Dear Lord, I hope I’m wrong. It’s happened before.
I thought about putting up a pic of this Cash Warren guy, but I don’t think it would be right to actually put up a visual of the most hated man in the world. He is no doubt already getting death threats. Perhaps a call to the witness protection program is in order?
I hate you, Cash Warren. Go to hell.
-Dave Q.
Michael Vick is going to jail for nearly 2 years after a judge sentenced him for his role in the dog fighting / gambling debacle that is known as “Bad News Kennelz”. He got off a little easy I think, but overall, I think justice prevails.
You know what sucks about this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Let Vick sit behind bars for a while. Let him lose millions of dollars. Let this whole episode scare the crap out of anyone else involved in this garbage. It’s hard to figure out what kind of person gets a rise out of seeing two dogs beat the crap out of each other. Or chickens for that matter (cock fights, folks). Dogs and chickens fighting to the death? Society needs to put these animals in their proper places. Dog is man’s best friend. And chicken is an alternative to eating beef. Not too difficult, people.
Come to think of it, one thing does suck. The fact that I’m on the same side as PETA on this one. But contrary to what they believe in, I won’t go fire bombing any science labs that are trying to find the cure for cancer because they are testing a vaccine on a lab rat. PETA %$#@! nut jobs.
-Dave Q.
My friend Mark usually reserves a gym to play pick-up basketball on Thursday nights. So last night my buddy Nick and I went to go shoot hoops with them. It’s usually the same people that play, but last night there were a couple of guys playing that I had never played with before. One of them was a guy named Niko. Ladies and gentlemen, Niko is a douche bag.
The reason I have enjoyed playing Thursday nights with Mark and the guys was that for the most part, everyone has been on the same level, with the exception of a couple of guys that have a little more talent. Well, Niko has some ability. The guy obviously played organized basketball for a while. And I guess playing with us, he realized he was the most talented on the court. So he let everyone know it. Not so much with his play, but with his mouth. The guy would not shut up.
So in the third game we played, I drew the defensive assignment against him. He kind of laughed when he saw me guarding him. And in a way, I didn’t blame him. I’m by no means good at basketball, but I enjoy the workout. But because of Niko’s big mouth, it just motivated be to defend him. He lit me up for 3 games straight. And when we were on offense, he would make comments when I had the ball or when I would post up against him. I wasn’t paying enough attention to him to note if this was his defensive strategy or if he was singling me out. But I took it as the latter. So with him mouthing off, it felt good to pop a 3 in his face. My only highlight of the night.
During what would be the last game of the night, we needed only one more basket to win. They were down by 6 points and Niko was shouting out a guarantee that they were going to win in the end. So when they were inbounding the ball, Niko had it and saw that I was guarding him. So he started getting all cute with the basketball, dribbling it around like he was participating in one of those AND1 tournaments. So I swiped at it and tipped it toward me. We both hit the deck trying to recover the ball, I get elbowed in the chops, both of us have our arms around the ball, and he yells “You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me!!.” I just look at him and ask him “Are you serious?”
At that point I just wanted to win, so I let go of the ball. They inbound, he misses, and we score. That’s it. Nice guarantee, Niko. Anyway, I can’t recall in recent memory when I’ve played against such an immature jackass like Niko. Congratulations, Niko. You really showed me. If I had to guess, Niko is about 23 years old. But acted more like a 12 year old. In 3rd grade. You do the math. Besides showing everyone his lack of class, he schooled a 32 year old who has never played organized basketball in his life. I was wearing cross-trainers, for God’s sake.
Whiners Winners like Niko take all the fun out of playing pick-up basketball. For being such a bad-ass, it must have felt weird for him to be playing with a bunch of regular guys. I don’t know where in town all the true ballers play. But I have a feeling, Niko doesn’t know either.
-Dave Q.
Mexico’s finest export since tequila, Salma Hayek, has given birth. She is now the mother a baby girl and both mother and daughter are doing well. I have to tell you, I’m pretty shaken up about it.
Salma Hayek as we knew her is pretty much done. I’m sure she’s a talented actress and she will be back in films doing the “acting” stuff. But people didn’t like her for her acting. People liked Salma Hayek because of her kick-ass body. If someone saw that Salma Hayek was going to be in a movie, they would see the movie because there was potential for her skirt to fall off or her blouse to burst open. The girl was stacked!
I know that other celebrities have kids and then hit the gym hard and in some cases look better than before. Gwen Stefani for example. But the difference between those girls and Salma Hayek is that in most cases the girls that get back into hard core shape are usually extremely thin to begin with. The kind of girls that you can see their ribs and pelvic bones. Salma Hayek isn’t like that. Salma Hayek is voluptuous. She has had curves up and down since the first time she hit the big screen. Probably one of the biggest reasons I became a fan. So I just don’t think she is going to get back to a point where her being half naked is going to sell tickets. And I really don’t want her to go all Britney Spears on movie buffs everywhere and try to do something sexy before her body is ready. Play it safe, Salma.
I actually met Salma Hayek back in 1997. She was in San Antonio promoting “Fools Rush In”. My buddy Jay and I rushed downtown and got in line to get a picture and an autograph. She was very short, had a much stronger Spanish accent than she has in her films, and gave me a kiss on the cheek when I told her I skipped a History exam just to come and see her. I have a picture of her and I that, despite the idiot grin on my face, I would proudly post here, except that I never got around to scanning it. I will put that on my to-do list. So until then, here’s a more recent Salma Hayek image above.
In memory of the hot version of Salma Hayek. I know deep down this is how she would have wanted to be remembered.
-Dave Q.
In the past week, Southwest Airlines has forced two young, attractive female passengers to cover themselves during their flights because someone complained about the way they were dressed. Read all about it right here. Wow. What is the world coming to? I’ll admit their attire was easy on the eyes, but come on. Do you really think they were dressed that provocatively? I don’t either.
You know some insecure women traveling with their husbands are the ones who complained to the flight attendants when they busted their men scoping out the hot girl. Instead of taking it out on the poor, ditzy, college girl (one of them works at Hooters, big shocker!), try dressing nicer! Do some situps! That’s one way to keep your man’s attention. One of these girls was going out of state to see a doctor. No doubt a plastic surgeon (boobs). Instead of getting a flight attendant to get her to cover up, maybe ask for her doctor’s contact number! Stop hatin’!
I have no choice but to boycott Southwest Airlines. Way to go, Southwest! For as uncomfortable as airline travel is to begin with, you go and take it a step further by killing the morale of male passengers by taking away any significant eye candy. Why don’t you put put pine cones in our seat cushions while you’re at it?!?
Truth be told, I see that kind of attire on girls all the time. Unfortunatley, the girls I see don’t look like Kyla Ebbert and Setara Qassim. Now that’s the time people should be complaining! When a girl wears something that should be outlawed for their body type! Can anyone say “double-standard”? If I ever have to fly Southwest Airlines again, I guarantee you I will be looking for the chubby girl exposing her less than perfect abs and complain. Because I have always found that offensive. And repulsive. And gross.
-Dave Q.
Dear Lord. I had only heard about how pathetic she looked at the MTV VMAs this past Sunday. Now I’ve seen the video of it. I can’t believe that this was the same Britney Spears that used to make Bob Dole holler for Viagra. Since misery loves company, here’s the video. Talk about a long, hard fall from grace. Eeesh!
I almost feel sorry for her. Almost. She brought all this on herself. She is the mother of two children now and should act like one. Her priorities are so out of whack you have no choice but to think drugs, alcohol, mental problems, or all the above are coming into play here.
And talk about not wanting to let go of the past. This is worse than Bill Clinton leaving fingernail marks on the hardwood floors when they dragged him out of the White House. She is sad in how much she is clinging on to what she once was. Just let go! This is not the right time in her life to be wearing that outfit. In fact, that time is long gone. And the lipsynching is painful. I hope she just phoned it in, because if she put in any effort whatsoever, it’s laughable.
I will defend her on one point. In today’s society, when I easily see fat girls exposing their bellys by wearing small t-shirts that don’t cover enough around every corner (even at work sometimes), why wouldn’t Britney Spears feel like she was in good enough shape to wear whatever it was she was wearing Sunday night? Seriously. Why do fat girls feel the need to show us their guts? But that’s a whole other rant.
So, was there ever a funeral held for the death of Hot Britney? Because she died a long time ago, brothers. Now we’re stuck with Miss Piggy’s stunt double. Please put some clothes on, lady.
-Dave Q.
***UPDATE*** Looks like those pricks at Viacom are trying to had their bad decisions and took down the Spears VMA video. Sorry.
