Now here is a cause I can get behind. 
October is here. And that means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. And it’s times like these that I feel I should speak out. You see everyone, few causes are as important as this one. You want to Save the whales? That’s great. But let’s save the boobs first, got it? Priorities, people!
You want to hug a tree? That’s cool. Me? I’d rather hug boobs. And I think I speak for every man and woman out there that boobs take priority over trees. So, to hell with the trees. Save the boobs! This cannot be ignored!! If that means other causes have to be put on the back burner, so be it! Priorities, people.
What about PETA? Hmmm… no. Save the boobs, damn it! I hope I am getting through to everyone. This is absolutely of the utmost importance!! Don’t ignore this plea. To illustrate how motivated I am about this, I will offer free breast exams as long as there is something in writing that I can’t be held accountable for anything. I am just trying to help here.
A world without boobs is a world I don’t want to be in. 
-Dave Q.
God, I love boobs.