I went to see Reno 911:Miami last night. As much as I’d love this to be a movie review, this is more to serve as a warning. Do you ever get to the movies early enough that you are actually seated before the previews start? If you have, then you pretty much know that they have about 20 minutes worth of commecrials/behind-the-scenes stuff showing on the big screen. Well, last night I got there before the previews began and the 20 minute segment was off and running. Everything was cool, until this commercial came on…
Let me start by saying, ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why?!? Why??!?!?? I did not recall Reno 911:Miami carrying an NC-17 rating! Why did I have to see this? Who the hell is going to pay for my therapy now? Comedy Central?!?
Obviously those women are proud of how they look at their age, I guess. Or they are all suffering of some form of dementia and forgot to put on their clothes. Either way, I wish I never had to see it. Easily one of the worst things I’ve seen in 2007. I would have rather sat through the Oscars.
On a lighter note, Reno 911:Miami wasn’t too bad. Not sure if it’s Oscar quality. But if Jennifer Lopez can be a presenter at the Academy Awards, then Reno 911: Miami has a chance to win Best Picture.
-Dave Q.
Last night was the Oscars. Or, as I’d like to put it, Super Bowl Sunday for women and hippies. I did not watch it due to my strict policy against watching any television or movies that may possibly make me dumber. However, I would make an exception if I were guaranteed seeing Halle Berry all night instead of Ellen Degeneres. But not until then. So since I didn’t actually see the awards, I can’t really comment on them. But feel free to fill me in!
So, I heard this thing lasted nearly 4 hours?! Wow. Did any of you sit through this? I also heard that Eddie Murphy and Mark Wahlberg were nominated for Oscars. I repeat, Eddie Murphy and Mark Wahlberg. And also Kelly Leak from the Bad News Bears. I guess they are just handing these nominations out now like they’re flu shots, huh? I can’t wait for mine. Do they come via UPS or FedEx?
-Dave Q.
I’m not going to pretend to be the most punctual person on the planet. Or even the most punctual person on my tram at work. I’m not a punctual guy. I’m for the most part always late. There. I said it. However, every now and then by some miracle of God, I actually do roll out of bed on time to make it to my glorious job on or ahead of schedule. It’s rare, but it happens. For example, it happened this morning. But I still didn’t get to work on time. Why, you may ask? Traffic. Oh how I hate traffic. So irritating.
And to make things even better, it was traffic that could have been prevented. Let me explain. As I am sitting in the right lane wondering what the hold up is, I start to notice all the cars ahead of me put their left turn signals on. So obviously there in an obstruction of some kind in my lane.
My first thought is, if there was an accident, I hope everyone is ok. The last thing anyone wants to see is some kind of tragedy. So as I finally creep up to be able to see what happened, I catch a glimpse. Then I get pissed. A fender bender. 3 cars. 3 women on their cell phones looking at the damage. 1 car horn that apparently took a hit and wouldn’t shut off.
So now I’m late. All because one of these lovely ladies (And don’t accuse me of being sexist. They could have been dudes and I would still be cursing them.) was probably on their cell phone and not paying attention to what they were doing. So I did the only thing I could do as I creeped by the scene of the crime at 4 mph. I gave them the stare of death. Not that it made a bit of difference. But it did make me feel a little better. And I can only hope it made the one responsible feel like #$!*&.
-Dave Q.
Apparently this isn’t anything new, but Dane Crook Cook stole some material from a comic with actual talent, Louis CK. Sounds like some stand up he did recently had a couple of extremely similar jokes to a Louis CK perfromance from 2001. You be the judge.
I don’t know. Maybe this kind of stuff happens all the time with comedians.
I will admit there have been a couple of times I thought Dane Cook was funny. I can’t lie about that. But not to the point of rock star status that he seems to have achieved. Overall, I would rate him as an average comic. But now that I know he steals material, I think my sister is funnier. And let me tell you, she’s not funny at all (The beauty here is that I have 2 sisters and they won’t know which one I’m talking about. And I doubt they ever read this blog, so I’m safe).
Apparently the writers for Scrubs agree. Dane Cook blows.
-Dave Q.
This guy tells a great story about what happened when he was visiting family in Florida and found a swarm of honey bees on the family swing set. It had me rolling! If you share my sense of humor, then it’s worth the read. Also the pictures that were taken were of the ordeal are pretty good. Check it out here.
I think why I find this so hillarious is that some of the things he talks about is what I would have done as a kid. And I also have nothing against taking some bees out. Can’t stand bees. As much as I like honey, I can live without it if it meant no bees. I’m also not too keen on shark bites. So let’s get rid of them too.
-Dave Q.
- I can resist anything but temptation.
- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892, Act I
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 – 1900)
I’m Catholic. Not the best one around, but I’m working on it….. starting tomorrow. Anyway, today is Fat Tuesday for you Mardi Gras folk. That means tomorrow for Catholics around the world, it’s Ash Wednesday. And that marks the beginning of Lent. So for the next 40 days and 40 nights, Catholics are expected to (as best I can explain) sacrifice something we enjoy in the name of the Lord.
So, in the spirit of Lent, I have compiled a list of sacrifices. Why a list of sacrifices instead of just one? It’s simple. I haven’t been the best Catholic around and I want to make it up to the Man upstairs for all the years I didn’t step up to the plate. Hopefully when my time comes, he’ll take this into consideration. 
So without further ado, here is what I will be sacrificing…
- Red Meat -This will be extremely tough, since it is well known that I am a big time carnivore.
- Iced Tea - If you only knew how much I drink this stuff. If iced tea were alcohol, I would be dead by now.
- Alcohol – I’m not what you would call a big drinker by any means. I won’t crave it, but peer pressure will be a factor. And my peers can be pretty rough.
- Church – Basically I want to at least go to church every Sunday during Lent. Doesn’t sound hard, huh? Did I mention I love to sleep?
- Fasting After 5pm – I did this one year and it was rough. Don’t know if I can do it again with all the other restrictions. Big lunches. BIG lunches…
So that’s it. I will give it the old college try. But Lent starts tomorrow. Which means tonight you can find me at Texas Roadhouse after 5pm with a thick juicy steak and sweet tea in my glass. And I apologize now if I’m not my usual chipper self over the next six weeks. History dictates that I’ll be a little cranky.
-Dave Q.
Yesterday the two satellite radio companies, Sirius and XM, announced they were merging. Since I’ve been investing in Sirius for a few years now, I am curious to see what this will mean in the long run. Ironically, just last week I was talking with some friends about the improbabilty of a merger like this. I just didn’t think it was in the cards. Especially with all the articles on the net quoting both companies as having nothing in the works.
But something else happened last week. Something that, dare I say, may have sparked this merger? Yes. I do believe it was a Valentine’s gift I received.
The latest and greatest that Sirius has to offer. The Stilleto 100! I am getting rid of my old crappy one (unless one of you wants to buy it, then it is an older awesome one) after getting this one for Valentine’s Day. I guess Valentine’s isn’t all bad. Anyway, I believe that unseen cosmic forces came into play once I activated the new radio, because 2 days later the merger is announced! I mean, come on. There has to be a connection. Tell me I’m wrong. But if you do, speak up, because I’ll have my new radio on.
And buy some stock in Sirius. Just a suggestion. Don’t get mad at me if it tanks.
-Dave Q.
So I had been getting away with dressing casual at work for a while now. But those days are over. My supervisor let me know yesterday that we needed to dress more appropriately in the office. Apparently he has something against flip flops and t-shirts that promote alcoholic beverages. Kidding.
But seriously, I know he just wants us to have a professional appearance. And he’s not a bad guy or anything. He’s just watching out for us. And no, he doesn’t read this blog. Or if he ever did, I know he wouldn’t be reading it anymore. He doesn’t always get my sense of humor. Imagine that.
So now I have to start taking my clothes to the dry cleaners again. And getting up earlier to iron. And shine my shoes. Don’t get me wrong. I want to look sharp. But that’s a lot of effort to put forth when you’re just going to work. I wish there was someone I was trying to impress. At least that would motivate me.
-Dave Q.
