Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

I can’t express how happy I am that the political conventions are over.  They have taken way too much TV time.  So now I can focus on the new seasons of The Office, and football!  SNL should be good this weekend.  There isn’t anything quite like SNL during an election year.

Anyway, I’m not sure I learned anything new from either party, except for the fact that we all got to know Sarah Palin a little better.  My opinion on Palin?  She is a FIRECRACKER.  I dig her.  But despite that, in an effort to avoid any bias or hidden agendas, I watched convention coverage on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, ABC, and a couple of others I found randomly while flipping though channels.  I figured if I am going to make a decision in November, it needs to be an educated one.

So after taking in all that convention coverage, let me share with you what I have come away with:

  • Barack Obama is a great speaker.
  • John McCain is not so great a speaker.
  • The Democrats have some serious celebrity power on their side.  Oooooh.
  • The protesters at the RNC were protesting against the war by breaking store windows, vandalizing cars, and fighting with police.  So they were protesting violence,… with more violence.  What a bunch of douche-bags.
  • I can’t help but wonder if Bill Clinton has tried to get Sarah Palin’s phone number yet.
  • Can Paul Begala on CNN be anymore annoying?  He just comes across to me as the kind of guy that would have dressed up like a woman to get off the Titanic.
  • Mitt Romney criticizing East Coast Elitists?  Hello, Pot?  This is the Kettle…
  • Hey, Keith Olberman on MSNBC.  I liked you so much better when you used to read the sports scores to me on ESPN.  Now I just find myself wanting to punch you in the mouth.  Repeatedly.
  • The RNC must own the rights to Kenny Loggins’ greatest hits.  Because they kept playing his music, over, and over…
  • It must be stated somewhere that in order to be a delegate for either party, you must be a putz.
  • Should I feel bad for wondering what color panties Sarah Palin was wearing during her speech?  Is that disrespectful?
  • I gotta tell you.  That John King on CNN?  The dude has a nice head of hair.
  • Joe Biden looks like a used car salesman.
  • Bill O’Reilly might be insane.
  • I can only imagine how Hillary Clinton is feeling about being upstaged by the other woman… yet again.

One last thing about Paul Begala.  What a truly annoying little man.  He seems so… I can’t even think of the word.  Worthless?  Sniveling?  “Wayland Smithers” like?  I don’t know.  I just want someone to give him a swift kick in the groin to see what happens, because I’m not sure he would react.  I just get the impression that he is the ultimate Hillary Clinton “Yes” Man.  This guy just sucks.  Do you remember Paul Reiser’s character “Burke” from Aliens?  He reminds me of him.

So that’s it.  We’ll see how they do here on out.  I’m just hoping that whoever wins this election will take our country in the right direction.  I hope that isn’t asking for too much.  But if either candidate would like to secure my vote, perhaps a policy of shipping Paul Begala nd Keith Olberman to Siberia would seal the deal.

-Dave Q.

There are times in life when you can do the right thing for your country.  When the cries of those regular people getting screwed by the government on a daily basis can’t be tuned out anymore, you must act.  And considering the two candidates we have to choose from, somebody has to step up to the plate.  Because, quite frankly, they both suck.

I have been waiting for a third option.  Hoping for another choice.  And so far, zip.  Well, my fellow Americans, someone has to step up to the plate.  And I am that someone.  Today, I am announcing my candidacy for President of the World United States.  I mean, I don’t think I can do any worse than McCain and Obama.

Ever since the Primaries were settled, I have been telling people that I probably wouldn’t vote, since I have no confidence in either candidate.  But I myself have always been pretty self-confident.  So there you go.  A candidate I can be confident about!

Since I am so confident I will win, I went ahead and offered my VP slot to Brian.  He said no.  Then I bought him a Dr. Pepper.  VP position filled.

-Dave Q.

I have to thank my buddy Norm for this one…


 

Election years are really a drag to me. I hear about the scandals. The mud slinging. The attack ads. It get old pretty damn quick. In fact there are only two things I can look forward to on an election year. Clever poltical sketches on Saturday Night Live, and a JibJab cartoon.

This is the latest from JibJab.com. Not as funny as the one that came out in 2004,but not bad. You can even insert a picture of yourself and email it to friends. Let me find a pic where I look annoyed and getting screwed at the same time. Would be perfect for this political season.

-Dave Q.

It looks like the beast has finally been slain.

I can’t tell you how happy I am that Hillary has finally called it quits. I’ve been wanting to bring this up since I first heard it was going to happen last week, but I just wasn’t convinced. And even though her surrender came straight from the horse’s ass, er, I mean horse’s mouth, I still can’t help but feel it isn’t over. Think back to those ’80s horror movies and how you would think the monster was dead, but it would keep coming back. Hillary is that monster.

Anyway, here’s hoping that whatever happens in November is what is best for the country. And here’s to hoping Barack Obama doesn’t do something idiotic, like pick that bitch as his running mate.

And here’s hoping a bored Bill Clinton doesn’t pay a visit to your daughter’s prom.

-Dave Q.

Since this has been dragging on and on, you knew this was bound to happen. And you know democrats would love to see a dream ticket of Clinton/Obama. Or is it Obama/Clinton? Who cares. All I can tell you is that the picture above is a Dems wet dream right about now.

Is it Barack with a bad haircut? Or a better looking Hillary? Your call, my fellow Americans.

-Dave Q.

Dear Texas Voters,

flipping the bird

Way to give Hillary the primary, retards. If that broad becomes President, God help you if you are around me when you start complaining about her. What a bunch of geniuses.

-Dave Q

 

Today is a big day in the political scene. And also for our nation. And possibly the universe. It’s Super Tuesday Lite. Ohio and Texas vote today in their primaries. And so do Rhode Island and Vermont, but they are barely states to begin with, so they aren’t getting much attention with this. A lot is riding on this day. I don’t know how other states will vote, but because I’m in Texas, I hope the people here don’t embarrass me and give a victory to what’s her name.

Hilary

 

Here’s a bit of advice for anyone that can see through this “woman” and straight into the darkness of her cold, black heart. As much fun as it would be to see her lose a national election, we should get her out of the way now. Why set up the opportunity for a bunch of people to go retarded in November and vote for her? I don’t want America to take that chance. Stranger things can happen. Like Eli Manning winning the Super Bowl, for example.

Bottom line: If you have the opportunity to drive a stake into Dracula’s chest, for the love of everything that is good and holy, don’t hesitate. Do it!

I really don’t think I can stomach seeing her face flashing across the TV with such frequency much longer. Makes me regret getting the HD package.

-Dave Q.

I am watching the Democratic debate right now. I am loving this. Hillary Clinton has made herself look like a complete ass-clown. She is whining about how she always gets the first question during the debates. And then she referenced Saturday Night Live on how Obama is getting special treatment. Haha! How presidential of her. Nothing will earn respect to the Presidency of the United States as the leader of the free world being a whiner.

Now there are more fireworks! These are the acts of a very desperate woman. It’s pathetic. Yet I can’t stop watching. Or smiling. Or laughing. :)

Ok. I’m going to finish watching this. I’m sure you guys will see all these highlights in the news. But god that look on her face is golden! That bitch is pissed!

After this I’m going to turn to the Tivo and watch last Saturday’s SNL. Must have been a good one.

-Dave Q.

March 2024
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Today's Deep Thought

  • How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.