Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category
Here’s some new year cheer from FunnyOrDie.com…
By the way, if you haven’t checked out their site, you should. It’s somewhat funny. 
-Dave Q.
My buddy Hadji sent this to me a few minutes ago. I don’t know what to make of it. But I did laugh my ass off. So maybe you will too.
-Dave Q.
“The only difference between myself and Barry Bonds, is that I don’t think I’m Barry Bonds.” -God
America’s favorite cheater, Barry Bonds, got indicted today by a federal grand jury. He is being charged with 4 counts of perjury and 1 count of obstruction of justice. Apparently in the evidence, there is a positive steroid test, and something regarding syringes. And his former trainer got released from prison shortly after all this was announced. He was jailed for not willing to testify against Barry. Coincidence? I think not. Here’s a great Barry Bonds article for you.
Will justice be served? I highly doubt it. Even with all this “juicy” evidence, I predict that Barry Bonds will walk. This case will no doubt go to trial. And if there is a trial, then it will most likely be held in San Francisco, where a jury will be selected. Most citizens of San Francisco love Barry Bonds. They think he’s a good guy who never did steroids. Obviously, not a very smart group. Combine that with the fact they are largely liberal and already hate the government (remember, it’s a federal trial), then Barry will walk. Those people can catch Barry Bonds with a syringe stuck in a butt cheek, and still acquit him. If the powers that be want a fair trial, they will move it out of San Francisco. Maybe even out of California. I mean, Californians acquitted O.J. for God’s sake. And Michael Jackson. And Robert Blake. So if you’re famous and you want to commit a crime, you’d better do it in California. IQ level there isn’t very high.
So let’s assume Barry Bonds is found not guilty. At least he will always have this indictment. That, along with his “record breaking” home run ball being branded with an asterisk in Cooperstown, he will forever be identified with cheating and steroids. I can live with that. Now if only Major League Baseball would grow a pair and wipe all those records he broke off the books.
You know, somewhere out there, Hank Aaron is smiling.
-Dave Q.
Oh, believe me I want to! But for some reason, I am tossing and turning. Just can’t get to a good snoozing point. So I figured I’d kill some time on the “inter-web” until the urge to sleep strikes. You’d figure seven NyQuil capsules would do the trick, but here we are.
So just for the hell of it, here is one of the better McDonald’s commercials I’ve seen in a very long time. I want to say it came out this year around Super Bowl time. Does it do the job in that it makes me want to eat a Filet-O-Fish? Kind of. But how could anyone want to eat either of those hillarious little guys? Especially the one with the accent. Ha! Now that’s some funny stuff.
Ok. NyQuil is kicinking in riht aboooooooot noooowwwwwwwwwwwwwzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-Dave Q.
Give me a freakin’ break! A bunch of teachers got offended because of this? This??!? Please. How many other careers, jobs, industries, public servants, etc., have been parodied over the years? Police Officers. Doctors. Lumberjacks. Politicians. Florists. Cable TV Repair Men. Hamburger Flippers. I don’t recall a huge stink being raised by any of those unions.
If anything, teachers should take this as a compliment. Their profession is represented with a hot girl! If it was Rosie O’Donnell, then they should be upset.
So Carl’s Jr. caved in and removed the ad. Thank you, teachers. Way to encourage free speech. I better not find any of the many teachers I know watching Saturday Night Live. All those parodies would no doubt offend them.
-Dave Q.
SuperBad comes out this weekend. For those of you that have been living under a rock, it’s another comedy from director Judd Apatow, whose movie credits include The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Considering how good those movies were and how good the trailers have been for SuperBad, let’s just say the bar is being set pretty high. I have high hopes here, Apatow! Don’t let me down!
So I hope to be checking out SuperBad this weekend. I also hope to catch up on some sleep. And mow the lawn. But with the recent insane rainfall around here, I will gladly fill in the time I would normally spend mowing the yard with… more sleeping.
The trailers from this movie have been so damn funny that they have forced me to change my screen name on Call of Duty to “McLovin”. So when I kill someone on there, it says they were killed by McLovin. Ha! And if they knew how much I sucked at Call of Duty, can you imagine how pissed they would be? I can hear them now. “Some crappy ass player named McLovin has his moments. He sucks. But he does have his moments”
-Dave Q.
Let’s see. What comes out tomorrow in movie theaters all over America? Ah yes, ‘The Simpsons Movie’. I cannot believe this show has been around 18 years! It’s amazing when you think about it. Give the writers all the credit in the world for this show’s success. They’re the ones that have made it one of the top rated programs for nearly two decades now. And to finally make it to the big screen, all I can say is “Nice work”. I have high expectations for the film. Very high expectations. I hope for everyone’s sake they didn’t produce a bomb of epic proportions. But judging from the previews, I think we’re in for a good one. Ha! Spider Pig…
‘The Simpsons’ is one of those animated TV shows that takes a certain degree of pop culture knowledge to really appreciate. ‘South Park’ is another show that you can say that about, except they put a much bigger emphasis on politics. Both shows are outstanding. And anyone that I’ve heard say they don’t like, or “don’t get” these shows, never seem to be up on current events. Even though they are cartoons, you have to have a bit of intellect to really grasp all of the humor. So if you have a low IQ, maybe you should stick to reality TV.
There are a crap load of companies promoting ‘The Simpsons Movie’ through various websites. I think 7 Eleven may be taking it a little too far. Believe it or not, it looks like they are converting several 7 Elevens into actual Kwik-E-Marts (if you don’t know what a Kwik-E-Mart is, please stop reading). You can check out some photos here. And Burger King has a website promoting the film where you can take a photo of yourself and convert it so you could see what you would look like as a Simpsons character. Check it out at www.simpsonizeme.com. You can see my results above. Well… I think it did alright with the color of my shirt. And the hair looks good, too. So… I guess it works?
The real me is still taller.
-Dave Q.
Sometime last week Jon Lovitz kicked the crap out of Andy Dick at a comedy club. Apparently it stemmed from something Andy Dick said to Lovitz regarding the late Phil Hartman. You could read the story here if you want more details.
I’ve never liked Andy Dick. His 15 minutes expired a long time ago. The guy is so damn obnoxious and his antics can only be described as raunchy. What a douche bag. Now that I read he may have had an indirect role in Phil Hartman’s death, I only hope he gets what’s coming to him. I would just like him to do what his career did a long time ago: Disappear. Just go away, Andy Dick. Nobody likes you.
In case any of you don’t remember the SNL legend that was Phil Hartman, here is one of his classic SNL clips with Jon Lovitz. This ought to jog some memories. He also was the first on SNL to play Bill Clinton. Remember those days?
Phil Hartman & Jon Lovitz
At any rate, I have to think that Jon Lovitz has to feel bad. Apparently it is well documented among comedians that Andy Dick is a colossul jack-ass, but how could anyone be proud of beating up him up? Happy? Yes. But proud? I don’t think so. Most 9 year-olds could have done that. Andy Dick no doubt has the fighting skills of your average 87-year old woman. And the only “man” I can think of that would have probably enjoyed beating up someone as pathetic as Andy Dick is…. uhh….. Andy Dick! Ha! Imagine that? The irony.
By the way, Jon Lovitz has now made my heroes list. Along with Spider-Man and Scott Baio.
-Dave Q.
