Archive for the ‘Vent’ Category

So I went to a party on St. Patrick’s Day.  I figured this wouldn’t be so bad.  There would be beer and other forms of alcohol, but not to the extent of a bar on St. Patty’s Day.  So I went there with an attitude of “have a good time no matter what”.  Well, I never realized how critical a couple of drinks are in the spirit of having a good time.  I’m not saying you can’t have a good time without alcohol, but when you are the only one not drinking, it feels like you’re missing out.  And if you say something less than intelligent, which I’ve been known to do, you don’t have alcohol to blame.  Damn.

Smile?  How about you go to hell instead?

NOT A HAPPY CAMPER

So I’m saying it now.  I won’t be giving up alcohol for Lent next year.  And if I do have that thought, I hope someone hits me in the head with a 9 iron.  It is just a lousy time to not be drinking freely.  Maybe next year I’ll give up something that I don’t do now.  Like coffee.  I don’t do coffee.  So that won’t be hard.

-Dave Q.

Last night was the Oscars. Or, as I’d like to put it, Super Bowl Sunday for women and hippies. I did not watch it due to my strict policy against watching any television or movies that may possibly make me dumber. However, I would make an exception if I were guaranteed seeing Halle Berry all night instead of Ellen Degeneres. But not until then. So since I didn’t actually see the awards, I can’t really comment on them. But feel free to fill me in!

 

The GORGEOUS Halle Berry

So, I heard this thing lasted nearly 4 hours?! Wow. Did any of you sit through this? I also heard that Eddie Murphy and Mark Wahlberg were nominated for Oscars. I repeat, Eddie Murphy and Mark Wahlberg. And also Kelly Leak from the Bad News Bears. I guess they are just handing these nominations out now like they’re flu shots, huh? I can’t wait for mine. Do they come via UPS or FedEx?

-Dave Q.

Dunder-Mifflin Paper

 

A friend just sent this to me. I *heart* this show. Thanks Jenny!

To those of you that put a lot of stock in today, I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. For those of you like me that realize this was a manufactured holiday by the corporate world to suck more money out of our wallet and at the same time cause us unnecessary stress, Happy Sucker’s Day.

Here’s a nice little rant from a writer on MSN.com. Why she LOVES Valentine’s Day.

-Dave Q.

 

Most of you know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. That it’s pretty much a fraud. But that doesn’t mean I won’t celebrate it. I’m not a monster. I know how much Valentine’s Day can mean to some people (women). So, I do go out and buy her gifts. And more enjoyably for me, I do take my Valentine out for a lavish dinner. But no way in hell am I doing dinner on February 14th! Absolutely not. Final answer. And I have plenty of reasons. Let’s go through the motions of a nice dinner at a nice restaraunt on St. Valentine’s Day. I already feel like giving Dr. Kevorkian a call.

To start, you must make reservations. But it doesn’t really matter, because you will get to your destination on time, but you’re still in for a wait. A loooooooong wait. And you will be in a waiting area with 20+ other cranky Valentine couples. And not enough chairs for everyone. It would be nice if all the “gentlemen” would give up their seats for the females, but that’s not happening either. Things are kicking off nicely.

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Here is one of the guys claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. His name is Howard K. Stern. Not to be confused with the super classy radio personality Howard Stern (As heard on Sirius Satellite Radio, which if you ask me is a great stock buy. And I’m not just saying that because I’m a shareholder. Maybe I am.). This Howard K. Stern guy has “slimeball” written all over him. He was Anna Nicole’s lawyer, which makes him look even worse. Why do I feel this way, you ask? Well, for starters, he sold this interview to Entertainment Tonight for $1 million! $1 million freakin’ dollars!!! Does that sound like something a man sincerely grieving over losing someone he loved would do? Or more like someone who realized he could cash in on all this hoopla? You decide. You can see the interview below.

[youtube= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nujyGzyNRd8]

Now there is serious chatter that this guy may not have only had something with Anna Nicole’s demise, but also the death of her son (Daniel who died in the Bahamas last year). The dude just gives off a sinister vibe. Kind of like that Scott Peterson dirt bag. This is getting weirder every day.

This is ridiculous. So how many dudes are claiming to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby? Four? Five maybe? The fact that so many can put in this claim speaks volumes of the kind of “lady” Anna Nicole Smith, or should I say Vickie Hogan (her real name), was.

And then all these guys claiming to be the daddy. Do they really care about this kid? Or do they see $$$ signs if they are given custody? As harsh as it is, this kid is essentially a $500 million lottery ticket, and these guys know it. Depending on the outcome of an ongoing court battle, Anna Nicole Smith could have inherited a fortune. So if in the end the courts rule she gets the money, then it would go to her children. And since her 20 year old son died last year (you guessed it, drugs), the 5 month old little girl gets the cash. Wow.

So the father could be her lawyer, her former photographer, freakin’ Zsa-Zsa Gabor’s husband, or her dead ex-husband’s. No joke on the last guy! And he’s been dead over a decade! At this point I’m not ruling out that it could be Jason Roller’s.

I don’t feel bad for Anna Nicole Smith. Or for anyone that is blessed with good fortune and financial freedom and throw it all away because they liked drugs so much. The lady wasn’t all there, probably because her brain was fried. And at the end she had the IQ of a peanut butter cup.

I do feel bad for the baby, though. I hope whoever the real daddy is will step up and truly take care of the kid. Assuming they find the real dad. With all the possibilities, it could take years. Ahhhh, Anna Nicole… what a lady.

-Dave Q.

Usually I don’t mind this time of year. Football season ending usually provides a nice transition into a greater love of mine: basketball. Not just any basketball, but NBA basketball! And not just any NBA basketball, but San Antonio Spurs NBA basketball!! You get the point. I live in San Antonio and have been a die hard Spurs fan most my life. But sadly at this point, I’m already prepping for the “die hard” part.

The Spurs are playing like #%!@&! And the sad thing is, they are still one of the best teams in the league! Spurs fans have been spoiled by their solid play over the years. We’ve come to expect perfection. Anything less than a championship is a wasted season. And even though Spurs fans have it better than most other teams, it still disgusts me when they lose. Especially to infererior teams, like the T-Wolves, or the Kobe Bryants. But that is just the year they are having. Although they are going to make the playoffs, I don’t expect them to do well. It’s just not their year.

So, what I’m trying to say is, that it’s going to be a long season as a Spurs fan. There has already been so much frustration. So many headaches. And now that football is done for the year, it will be that much more amplified. So here’s hoping things get better. And here’s to spring training that is right around the corner! Only the start of Atlanta Braves baseball can tear my focus from the train wreck that is the Spurs right now. Anyone know when pitchers and cathers report?

-Dave Q.

Well, where do I start? Sloppy plays. Crappy commercials. The Peyton Manning media lovefest. Prince. The weird pre-game show. What I’m trying to say is, Super Bowl Sunday sucked.

The game itself wasn’t too bad. It was close until the 4th quarter, when Rex Grossman forgot what color uniform his teammates were wearing and started throwing picks left and right. And it was nice that such a decent and classy man like Tony Dungy took home the trophy. As sloppy as it was with all the turnovers (I counted at least 7), it did keep it interesting.

But here is what turned me off. Why does the media keep shoving the Manning family down our throats? I get it. His dad was an NFL QB. So is his brother. I don’t care. Peyton Manning seems to be a decent guy. I have nothing against him (like I do for his “draft dodging” brother). But I find it hard to root for him at times because I feel it’s what the media wants me to do. If I pull for Peyton Manning, it’s because of his game, not because of whose offspring he is.

Why was Prince performing at halftime? I thought this was football? Men make up most of the audience for the game. Men do not want to see Prince. At least not men that like to watch football. And you can tie the pre-game show in with this. What the hell was that? Please. Somebody explain that one to me. Bizarre. If anything this teaches us not to tune into the Super Bowl fesitivities too early.

Then there were the commercials. Worst I can recall in recent memory. Salesgenie.com? They paid millions to put that garbage up there during the Super Bowl? And Snickers? Snickers?!?! Good Lord. That commercial was disgusting. It’s a good thing I don’t like Snickers, because if I did, I would never buy another one of those “dude love” candy bars again! For those that missed it, you can see the horror below.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHkoZ7ngAM0 ]

Again, the target audience is men, isn’t it? Why not do the same commercial with two hot girls? That would be have been nice. Maybe I would buy a Snickers.

Overall, Super Bowl Sunday gets a “C+”. It would have gotten a straight up “D” if Tony Dungy hadn’t been coaching the Colts. Congrats on the victory Coach Dungy. Couldn’t have happened to a classier guy.

-Dave Q.

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Today's Deep Thought

  • I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is that they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff. Then, when somebody comes up, they act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"