Archive for the ‘Bullshit’ Category
I made it clear to anyone that would listen (mostly my dogs) that there was no way I would ever buy or play Guitar Hero World Tour. Why, you may wonder? How can I support a product that is endorsed by a rapist (Kobe), a first-class prick (A-Rod), a first-class dork (Michael Phelps), and Tony Hawk, whom I have absolutely nothing against? Seriously, when I saw this commercial, I almost puked. I feel bad for Tony Hawk for having to be associated with these shmucks. And I just pity Michael Phelps and his stupid “I’m just happy to be here” grin. I do feel I should be more specific when referring to A-Rod as a prick, because I know that could be applied to Kobe as well.
Anyway, I guess the jokers promoting Guitar Zero got enough complaints, because they came out with a much better version of the commercial featuring Heidi Klum! Yes! I like it. Will I buy or play the game now? Absolutely! I lie. Of course I won’t. But I forgive them. And now I have a new video to watch. 
-Dave Q.
I’ve been thinking about this election just like everyone else. How can you not? With the media pushing it down our throats and everything. I for one will be glad when all this is over.
I know this election will be historic no matter who the winner will be. But in my eyes the difference will be what I call “The Stupid Vote”. This can also be referred to as the “Ignorant Vote”, the “Un-Educated Vote”, or even the “Jerry Springer Vote”. Point being is that people who don’t have a clue about the issues will vote for the popular candidate because, quite frankly, it’s trendy. It will be the cool thing to do. Now before you fire off that hate mail to me, understand that I am not saying you are stupid if you vote for Obama. I will make it clear right now that I believe Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. And many people who are educated and understand the issues will vote for Obama, just like many people who are educated and understand the issues will vote for John McCain. But those that steer away from the political scene and only hear the occasional blurb in the news will no doubt vote for Obama. And that’s what my point is.
You would be hard pressed to find anything but praise in the mainstream media for Barack Obama (how many times over the past year has he been on the cover of Time Magazine?). And at the same time, you don’t hear anything but negative stuff about John McCain. If I were the below-average citizen that didn’t pay any attention to politics, issues, current events, the weather, etc., I would probably base my decision on what I do see and hear. And those are the people who get their news from such reputable programs like Entertainment Tonight and Inside Edition. And chances are they have aspirations of being a guest on Jerry Springer.
It is my belief that if their was a “must have a clue” requirement to vote, then the election would be very, very close. I still think Barack Obama would win, but by a narrow margin. Instead, with the “stupid” vote in full effect, I expect a landslide victory for Obama.
But that’s one of the great things about America. No matter how stupid someone is, their vote is equal to that vote of someone with a much higher IQ. And that, my fellow Americans, is what equality is all about.
-Dave Q.
So the New York Yankees and the Dallas Cowboys are now partners in a concessions company that will be handling all the food distribution at their new stadiums. Anyone surprised? I’m not. I think it was just a matter of time. At least I know where I won’t be buying a beer at.
Something is missing in all this. Ahh yes, where are the Lakers? You can’t have Hitler and Mussolini without whatever bad guy they had out of Japan. This will likely piss off the Lakers. All that money without the Lakers getting a piece of the pie? Don’t the Yankees and Cowboys remember the last time someone told Kobe “no”?
You want to call me a ‘Hater’? That’s cool. I’m drinking ‘Haterade’. Because, yes, I hate the Yankees, Cowboys, and Lakers. I am a sports fan. And as a sports fan I clearly recognize the unholy trinity of sports evil. Anyone who is a sports fan of those three teams is not an actual sports fan. Period. And that goes for Lebron James. I know he publicly loves the Yankees and Cowboys. But don’t be at all surprised when he bolts the Cavs to go to play for the Lakers someday. And that sucks, because I really like Lebron.
And I just realized Lebron James was a topic in 2 consecutive posts. He will no doubt be receiving an award for this.
-Dave Q.
Thanks to my friend Gabe for sending this one to me. You gotta love political cartoons. Especially when they hit both parties.
Not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing to be Joe Biden. Clearly the least interesting person participating in the most interesting election. He ranks somewhere between Michelle Obama and Bristol Palin.
-Dave Q.
As of late, I’ve been feeling kind of sluggish at work. Especially after lunch. You know what I’m referring to. Those lunch induced comas? I know you’ve been there, too.
So while chatting it up in the office, my buddy Horbi said he was feeling like that too, but started feeling better after he started taking some vitamin B. He has a big bottle on his desk and told me whenever I wanted one, to just help myself. So I started taking them and I did feel better. Maybe it’s all mental. But I am definitely making it through the day easier.
So on Friday, sometime after lunch, I realized I hadn’t taken my daily vitamin B pill. I went into the office and saw Horbi at his desk with his earphones on. He loves his music. So I just walked up to his desk to grab the bottle. Horbi kind of jumped up when I got the bottle. I guess I snuck up on him. I told him I was getting some vitamin B and we started chatting. Then I glanced at his computer screen…
“Um, Horbi?”, I said.
“Yeah?”
“Are you watching ‘Ugly Betty’??”
“Uh…………….”
So for the rest of the day I was giving him a pretty hard time about that. Not that dudes aren’t allowed to watch ‘Ugly Betty’. It’s that dudes shouldn’t watch ‘Ugly Betty’! Apparently he watches ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, too. To each their own.
But God bless the internet. With the ability to watch pretty much anything online, it’s hard to blame Horbi for watching shows that cater to a female audience. Wait. Yes it is. I do blame him. What the hell, man?!?
-Dave Q.
I am being hunted.
For the last 3 nights, I have been terrorized. Every morning when I get, I am finding a new mosquito bite. I know it’s a flippin’ mosquito because I’ve seen it buzzing around. But when I try to kill it, I lose sight of it. She’s a smart one, she is.
I Googled the lifespan of a mosquito. This thing apparently can live up to 100 days. All it needs is a stable foodsource, and well, that’s me. I’ve tried to go Elmer Fudd on it, but no luck. It’s hiding well. I feel like it’s studying my every move. And it definitely know the layout of the house by now. I have to face facts: I need to outsmart it. Damn.
I called my Mom and she told me to put out a dish with water and dishsoap. I’m not sure what this is going to do. Do they drink it and die? Bathe? I don’t know.
Anyway, I just need my roommate to come back from his out of town trip. Once he’s back, hopefully the mosquito will turn on him. And I have no doubt that he won’t rest until he kills it. I, on the other hand, am ready to hit the sack. So, hopefully the mosquito doesn’t feel like snacking tonight.
but if you’re keepiing score, Mosquito 4, Dave Q. 0. But if I kill it tonight, it will be worth 5 points.
-Dave Q.
Clay Aiken finally came out of the closet today. Let me see. How can I put my reaction to this dramatic revelation into words. I’m going to give it a try here, so bare with me. Here goes: DUH!
I don’t like Clay Aiken. It’s not because he’s gay. It’s because he sucks. Just thought I would clarify.
-Dave Q.
I can’t express how happy I am that the political conventions are over. They have taken way too much TV time. So now I can focus on the new seasons of The Office, and football! SNL should be good this weekend. There isn’t anything quite like SNL during an election year.
Anyway, I’m not sure I learned anything new from either party, except for the fact that we all got to know Sarah Palin a little better. My opinion on Palin? She is a FIRECRACKER. I dig her. But despite that, in an effort to avoid any bias or hidden agendas, I watched convention coverage on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, ABC, and a couple of others I found randomly while flipping though channels. I figured if I am going to make a decision in November, it needs to be an educated one.
So after taking in all that convention coverage, let me share with you what I have come away with:
- Barack Obama is a great speaker.
- John McCain is not so great a speaker.
- The Democrats have some serious celebrity power on their side. Oooooh.
- The protesters at the RNC were protesting against the war by breaking store windows, vandalizing cars, and fighting with police. So they were protesting violence,… with more violence. What a bunch of douche-bags.
- I can’t help but wonder if Bill Clinton has tried to get Sarah Palin’s phone number yet.
- Can Paul Begala on CNN be anymore annoying? He just comes across to me as the kind of guy that would have dressed up like a woman to get off the Titanic.
- Mitt Romney criticizing East Coast Elitists? Hello, Pot? This is the Kettle…
- Hey, Keith Olberman on MSNBC. I liked you so much better when you used to read the sports scores to me on ESPN. Now I just find myself wanting to punch you in the mouth. Repeatedly.
- The RNC must own the rights to Kenny Loggins’ greatest hits. Because they kept playing his music, over, and over…
- It must be stated somewhere that in order to be a delegate for either party, you must be a putz.
- Should I feel bad for wondering what color panties Sarah Palin was wearing during her speech? Is that disrespectful?
- I gotta tell you. That John King on CNN? The dude has a nice head of hair.
- Joe Biden looks like a used car salesman.
- Bill O’Reilly might be insane.
- I can only imagine how Hillary Clinton is feeling about being upstaged by the other woman… yet again.
One last thing about Paul Begala. What a truly annoying little man. He seems so… I can’t even think of the word. Worthless? Sniveling? “Wayland Smithers” like? I don’t know. I just want someone to give him a swift kick in the groin to see what happens, because I’m not sure he would react. I just get the impression that he is the ultimate Hillary Clinton “Yes” Man. This guy just sucks. Do you remember Paul Reiser’s character “Burke” from Aliens? He reminds me of him.
So that’s it. We’ll see how they do here on out. I’m just hoping that whoever wins this election will take our country in the right direction. I hope that isn’t asking for too much. But if either candidate would like to secure my vote, perhaps a policy of shipping Paul Begala nd Keith Olberman to Siberia would seal the deal.
-Dave Q.
