Archive for the ‘Not Cool’ Category
I already can’t stand Hillary Clinton. For whatever reason, whether it’s her political stances, her annoying voice, or just her monumental bitch persona, I just don’t like the dude woman. If there is one sure fire way to guarantee that I don’t vote Demorcat in 2008, it’s having this broad as the candidate.
So you can now add another reason why I can’t stand Hillary Clinton. Are you ready for this one? Apparently, girls are starting to find her attractive. Or at least this one does in this Hot 4 Hill video below. This is immediate cause for concern, since this girl doesn’t look too bad. I mean, if anyone women are going to be attracted to Hillary Clinton, shouldn’t they, you know, be butch like Hillary?
I don’t recognize the girl in the video, but apparently she is somewhat of a celebrity. Her name is Taryn Southern, an American Idol reject from a couple of years ago. It looks like she really digs Hillary. And at the same time she must hate men. And also children. Or at least I assume she hates children by putting them in this video and subjecting them to this political garbage. I mean, come on. The little kids are singing for Hillary. Oh! How adorable! They love her! We must make her our leader! Give me a break.
So yes, I despise Hillary Clinton. More so now than ever. How dare she start attracting decent looking girls! You know, I don’t know of any man that finds Hillary Clinton attractive. And that includes Bill. Do you really think Bill is attracted to this? Well, then again, he did get it on with Monica Lewinski. It’s like Bill is playing Dr Seuss. Except that Dr. Seuss’ version of Thing 1 and Thing 2 didn’t give a grown man nightmares.
I remember when I was in high school and Clinton was in his first term as President. Sometime during the second year of that term, my Mom got a new dog. It was a small, beagle like dog they she named “Maggie”. Well, my Dad has never called it by her name. Instead, he calls her “Hillary”. And he still does today. That’s a true story. And a wise man.
-Dave Q.
Where do I start…
I went to Spain and Portugal for 10 days. Guess what? The airline lost my luggage. I don’t know who exactly is at fault, but either Continental or Air France really screwed the pooch on this one. As I type this, neither one can tell me where the luggage is. Way to go, assholes.
This forced my hand into buying clothes over there. Let me tell you something about European clothes: They are expensive as hell and ugly as sin. So time that I had planned for exploring and leisure had to be used for shopping. And dear Lord do I hate shopping! So I fully plan on getting reimbursed for all the jacked up clothes I had to buy there. And they better give me some compensation for losing my luggage. My favorite pair of flip-flops were in there. And to me those were priceless.
The hotels on the trip sucked. Small rooms. Smaller bathrooms. No irons? Please. So not only were the euro-clothes crappy, but I couldn’t iron them. Seriously folks. No irons. And these were 4 star hotels, allegedly. They must be buying their hotel ratings from the same guys peddling bootleg copies of Transformers and Shrek 3 on the streets there.
I couldn’t believe how rude the Portugese are. I hope the small group of them I encountered don’t accurately represent the majority. Those bastards would ignore or look right though you if you asked them a question. The French people I encountered were more pleasant. Imagine that.
It wasn’t a total loss. I did see some cool stuff on the trip. There is no denying that. And I did meet some cool people as well. I met some Aussies, some Brits, some Canucks. And they all helped me drink away the anger on a couple of nights. So I guess the trip wasn’t a total loss. Just lots of frustrations on our end.
One last note. I just heard that the luggage has been located by Air France. It’s in London. Motherf&%$rs!!!!
-Dave Q.
So yesterday I come home to a house that is hotter inside than it is outside. Yeah, you guessed it. The A/C is out. In June. In San Antonio. So about 40 seconds after walking in the house I am sweating as if I were one of Indy’s guides in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Humid. Sticky. Miserable.
It gets better. My internet is out. Until Friday. Time Warner, whom I blame for the demise of Atlanta Braves baseball, apparently got tired of screwing Braves fans and decided to rape me with this one. No one can come out to fix my internet until Friday? Really? And I don’t even have to be home since the problem lies in a cable box outside the house. I cannpt wait to tell Time Warner to go to hell when AT&T’s new U-Verse plan is available in my neighborhood.
But wait. It gets better. My throat starts hurting. And then an hour later, I get the chills. 2 hours later, my head starts hurting. And 1 hour after that, I’m sneezing like I’m allergic to my own skin or something! Conclusion: I’m sick. And as I’m typing this, I feel like crap.
Here’s the worst part….. It’s only Tuesday.
-Dave Q.
So 2 weekends ago was the Miss Universe pageant. It was held in Mexico City. Miss USA had a rough time. She fell on her ass in front of millions of viewers. That was kind of funny. But I give the girl, Rachel Smith, some props. She recovered as nicely. Or at least as best as anyone could.
So on top of that, the classy audience, made up of mostly Mexicans, boos Miss USA. I ask you this question: Is anyone surprised? I find it amusing that millions of Mexicans who break United States laws to come to this country to “live the American dream” would boo Miss USA. But these are the same no class people who chanted “Osama” during a soccer match against the United States in February of 2004 in Mexico.
They hate us so much but they want in so bad. I wish the Mexican people would have some pride, rise up to their situation, and fix their country. Instead, they want to run over here and shove their traditions down our collective throats. I mean, how bad a shape is your country when your own government is trying to help you enter the U.S. illegally?
http://cryptome.quintessenz.org/mirror/mx/mx-migrants.htm
The Mexican government had a website containing all the information that is on the link above, but perhaps over too much international criticism, they took it down. But it was up long enough to record what they are telling their citizens. And what they are telling their citizens basically goes a little something like this: “Mexico sucks. Go to the US to work and send all the money you make illegally back to Mexico. This is all we can think of to help our economy. We are too busy being corrupt to think of anything else.”.
Things like this make me never want to step foot in Mexico. Any part of it. Not even Cancun. Or Cozumel. Or Cabo. It is an unbelievably corrupt place. I know the US government is far from perfect, but, come on! Have you seen “Man on Fire” ?
Until the Mexican people grow the “cojones” to do something about their country, this problem won’t go away. Hopefully something is done before they jack up my country like they did theirs. But for now, I’m just going to buy this shirt.
-Dave Q.
So while running the bases between second and third on a pop up to Blue Jays third basemen Howie Clark, Alex Rodriguez of the Evil Empire (Yankees) shouts “Mine!” as he runs by. This causes Clark to think his teammate, shortstop John McDonald, is calling him off to make the play. The end result? The ball falls between the two Blue Jays and the Yankees end up winning the game. More controversy for A-Rod. Nothing new to this Jack-Ass.
I remember when this sort of thing was done on a regular basis. It was called Little League. And it actually still happens today, in beer league softball games. What kind of tool do you have to be to do something like this as a major leaguer? Then I remember A-Rod and his pathetic attempt to “slap” the ball out of the glove of Boston’s Bronson Arroyo a couple years back in the playoffs. A slap my 86 year-old grandmother called “gay”.
But I guess if you’ve been caught in the papers with another woman and your wife is probably talking to divorce lawyers right now, then what the baseball community thinks of you is the least of your problems.
-Dave Q.
Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselback threw down yesterday on the show they host. It’s called “The View”. Apparently it’s been on the air for a few years? I don’t know. However, I can’t help but be curious. Maybe someone can answer this question: Is this show always like this? Check out the fireworks below.
This is actually pretty entertaining. Both O’Donnell and Hasselbeck are spitting some serious venom at each other. And surprisingly, both make some valid points. So who won this catfight? Hmmmmmm. Tough call. I have heard little blips through the media that O’Donnell likes to beat up on Hasselbeck, but little Elisabeth seemed to hold her own in the arguement. So I can’t really determine a winner based on their debating skills. We’ll have to call it a tie. And we all know what that means… Sudden Death!!!
In the world of The Quesada Chronicles, we’ll determine a winner based on looks. And although it’s close…. Hasselbeck wins by a colossul landslide and delivers a beating so severe to O’Donnell that Rosie now looks to Donald Trump for support. And also now she likes men. That’s a pretty bad beating. Winner -> Hasselbeck!
Now I don’t want to brag, but I’ve been dabbling with Photoshop 7.0 quite a bit lately. And I got to thinking about that Conan O’Brien bit where they get two celebrities and ask the question, “What if they mated?”, and then morph their pictures together to get some hillarious results. So I morphed these two lovely ladies together with Photoshop and I have to say I’m pretty proud of the result. What do you think?
Basically I took Rosie and put Elisabeth’s hair on her. Believe it or not, I am self trained in Photoshop.
-Dave Q.
Hola. I haven’t had much time or sleep since I got back from Costa Rica. I blame that on work and the Spurs vs. Suns. Can you believe this series? Damn! My Spurs have been made public enemy number #1 by the media. Never in my life did I ever think I would hear the Spurs be called a “dirty” team. And when a player gets upset at the Spurs and starts making accusations, it’s usually because the Spurs are playing tough defense. And then you mention flopping? As much as I love Manu Ginobili, I will admit that he flops at times. And I hate that part of his game. But I’ll be damned if I haven’t seen Raja Bell and Steve Nash (particularly when Horry hip checked him) doing some horrible acting jobs. They get breathed on and then fall over. Come on. Case in point, watch Nash as he over sells this foul. Even Shaq can be heard saying that he wasn’t fouled that hard. And we all know that Shaq isn’t the shiniest penny in the fountain, if you know what I mean. In fact, you can blame the suspensions of Stoudemire and Diaw on Nash. If he doesn’t flop, then they don’t run over to hisdefend him.
Anyway, the Spurs aren’t dirty. Ginobili and Horry aren’t dirty. And Bruce Bowen is not dirty. Anyone that says that doesn’t know anything about basketball. Period. And for all those of you that disagree? First, go to hell. Second, learn from Lindsay Douglas. Not only does she know more about sports than you, she has a great pair of… eyes.
-Dave Q.
Playoff basketball and baseball in full swing. I love it! And in the last week, 2 things have made me love it more. The elimination of the Los Angeles Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks! Seriously, after Golden State bitch slapped the Mavs, I needed a cigarette. It was faaaaaaaaaaaantastic!
I really don’t have anything against the Mavericks. I just can’t take their owner, Mark Cuban. The guy is ridiculous. I just can’t figure him out. He’s a fan who owns his own basketball team. What fan wouldn’t envy that? But it’s like he wants to be one of the guys so much that it’s almost painful to watch. I mean, who do you think came up with the promo below? And you can almost bet that the Maverick players rolled their eyes when they heard his idea. “Um…, you want us to do what?”.
I will say that I’ve gained a tremendous amount of respect for Baron Davis. That guy single handedly beat the Mavs. All heart! Maybe Dirk Nowitzki can give Baron Davis a call and ask him what being a leader on his team is all about. It was clear Dirk had no clue how to do that. And how can you not like Baron Davis? The guy takes time to work a McDonald’s drive thru! 
Well, I hope the NBA playoffs finish with another championship in San Antonio. And that the Braves can pull off a stunner and get back in the baseball playoffs. A simple formula for summer bliss: Spurs + Braves + Winning = Happy David. Who wouldn’t want that?
-Dave Q.
