Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

Like him or hate him, President Bush showed some reflexes here.    I don’t see Hillary doing that.

Yeah, I know Obama would have gone all Matrix on the situation, dodge the shoes like Neo dodged those bullets, and then used the force to send the shoes flying back at his attacker.  But, in all seriousness, we know that is unrealistic.  Because nobody doesn’t like Obama enough to throw shoes at him.

-Dave Q.

Today, the homosexual community is banding together and calling into work “gay”.  They are callin it a “Day Without A Gay”.  I hope they accomplish whatever it is they are trying to do.  I think people already know how important it is to show up to work, whether you are gay, straight, crooked, whatever.  Especially during these tough economic times.  A pretty bold move to risk one’s job like that.

Anyway, the list of potential gay jokes is endless here.  I won’t even bother.  But today would not be a good day to be sick.  Or to have an emergency.  Because if you miss work today, I’m thinking people will be questioning your sexuality.  “What’s that, Tom?  You had to have an appendectomy??  Right…..”

-Dave Q.

Change, Shmange.

Come on, Barack.  Your whole platform was based on bringing change to Washington.  And then you do this??!?  You went and nominated Satan for Secretary of State?  Really?!?  I guess I’m just crazy to think that since all those questions about your judgement of character came up (Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, the guy who was a professor and supported the PLO, etc.) that maybe you would pick someone with, I don’t know, some integrity? But instead you picked someone who stands for everything that is wrong in Washington.  Jeez.  I mean, I really want to give you a chance to prove to me that those that voted for you knew what they were doing,but it’s looking pretty bad right now.  So much for change.

I make no secret that I hate Hillary Clinton.  I can see right through her.  It’s like I have those special sunglasses from the movie They Live, where the guy puts them on and he can see who is an alien and who isn’t.  I know what that lady is.  Pure Evil.  So when Obama is trying to heal a country divided,I guess he has to start with a party divided, and appease all those Hillary lovers.  Hillary craves power like a fat kid craves gravy on his ice cream.  I can’t wait for your next great presidential decision, BHO.

Just when you think the monster is dead…

-Dave Q.

Seriously.  I am witnessing this phenomenon.  I see it happening everywhere.  From my roommate, to co-workers, to my neighbors.  My heart goes out to them.

-Dave Q.

I’ve been thinking about this election just like everyone else.  How can you not?  With the media pushing it down our throats and everything.  I for one will be glad when all this is over.

I know this election will be historic no matter who the winner will be.  But in my eyes the difference will be what I call “The Stupid Vote”.  This can also be referred to as the “Ignorant Vote”, the “Un-Educated Vote”, or even the “Jerry Springer Vote”.  Point being is that people who don’t have a clue about the issues will vote for the popular candidate because, quite frankly, it’s trendy.  It will be the cool thing to do.  Now before you fire off that hate mail to me, understand that I am not saying you are stupid if you vote for Obama.  I will make it clear right now that I believe Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States.  And many people who are educated and understand the issues will vote for Obama, just like many people who are educated and understand the issues will vote for John McCain.  But those that steer away from the political scene and only hear the occasional blurb in the news will no doubt vote for Obama.  And that’s what my point is.

You would be hard pressed to find anything but praise in the mainstream media for Barack Obama (how many times over the past year has he been on the cover of Time Magazine?).  And at the same time, you don’t hear anything but negative stuff about John McCain.  If I were the below-average citizen that didn’t pay any attention to politics, issues, current events, the weather, etc., I would probably base my decision on what I do see and hear.  And those are the people who get their news from such reputable programs like Entertainment Tonight and Inside Edition.  And chances are they have aspirations of being a guest on Jerry Springer.

It is my belief that if their was a “must have a clue” requirement to vote, then the election would be very, very close.  I still think Barack Obama would win, but by a narrow margin.  Instead, with the “stupid” vote in full effect, I expect a landslide victory for Obama.

But that’s one of the great things about America.  No matter how stupid someone is, their vote is equal to that vote of someone with a much higher IQ.  And that, my fellow Americans, is what equality is all about.

-Dave Q.

As of late, I’ve been feeling kind of sluggish at work.  Especially after lunch.  You know what I’m referring to.  Those lunch induced comas?  I know you’ve been there, too.

So while chatting it up in the office, my buddy Horbi said he was feeling like that too, but started feeling better after he started taking some vitamin B.  He has a big bottle on his desk and told me whenever I wanted one, to just help myself.  So I started taking them and I did feel better.  Maybe it’s all mental.  But I am definitely making it through the day easier.

So on Friday, sometime after lunch, I realized I hadn’t taken my daily vitamin B pill.  I went into the office and saw Horbi at his desk with his earphones on.  He loves his music.  So I just walked up to his desk to grab the bottle.  Horbi kind of jumped up when I got the bottle.  I guess I snuck up on him.  I told him I was getting some vitamin B and we started chatting.  Then I glanced at his computer screen…

“Um, Horbi?”, I said.


“Are you watching ‘Ugly Betty’??”


So for the rest of the day I was giving him a pretty hard time about that.  Not that dudes aren’t allowed to watch ‘Ugly Betty’.  It’s that dudes shouldn’t watch ‘Ugly Betty’!  Apparently he watches ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, too.  To each their own.

But God bless the internet.  With the ability to watch pretty much anything online, it’s hard to blame Horbi for watching shows that cater to a female audience.  Wait.  Yes it is.  I do blame him.  What the hell, man?!?

-Dave Q.

While in Dallas this weekend, I got to catch the Cowboys-Redskins game.  I know that this is the last year for the Cowgirls Cowboys at Texas Stadium.  All I can say is, it’s about time.  That place is a dump.  Compared to Reliant stadium in Houston, Texas Stadium is ridiculously outdated. So maybe a future Dallas home game will be more impressive.

I know that Jerry Jones and the media love to tout the Cowboys as America’s team.  While most of America would dispute that, I do know of one country that is all theirs.  That would be our neighbor in the south, Mexico.  I saw a ton of Spanish signs like “Viva los Cowboys”, and “Cowboys Numero Uno!”.  Now just because a hispanic person is wearing a Cowboys jersey doesn’t mean they are Mexican, but I’m going to base this theory on geography.  I wish I had taken a pic of the guy wearing a Cowboys jersey that said, “Vaqueros”.

Anyway, it’s no secret that I’m no Cowboys fan.  I just can’t force myself to root for a team with such great role models like Terrell Owens, Pac-Man Jones, Tank Johnson, etc.  So when the group I was with (all Cowboys fans) decided to put a pot together for guessing the final score, I was the only one that picked the Redskins.  So not only did I enjoy seeing the Cowboys lose, I got $50 out of it.  You know what I call that?  A good weekend. :)

By the way, my final score prediction was Redskins 27, Cowboys 24.  I was off by one point.

-Dave Q.

Talk about freaky. This is pretty much what it would look like if that whole chicken you bought from the supermarket decided to come out of your freezer and scare the living $%@! out of you.

The story I heard was that the bird has some kind of condition where it plucks it’s own feathers out. Kind of like an obsessive compulsive disorder. Weird. Nevertheless, this thing needs to be caged up and only taken out during Halloween. That is, if you need a dead parrot to go with your dead pirate costume.

-Dave Q.

June 2023
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Today's Deep Thought

  • When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.