Come on, Eva. Say it ain’t so. 
Alicia Silverstone. Kim Basinger. Christine Applegate. Pamela Anderson. These four has beens top the list of celebrities that have done ads for PETA, the bullshit organization that values the lives of animals more than human life. In these ads, the celebrity appears nude saying something like “fur isn’t cool” or something to that effect. Well, they finally got a celebrity in the prime of her career to get naked. Even better, someone you want to see naked. This sucks big time, since I really, really like her. I just didn’t realize she was into domestic terrorism.
So here is the ad that super hot Eva Mendes came out in today in New York City. Nice…. uh… back. 
Now before you go and start writing thank you letters to PETA, realize that this group is not all cute and cuddly like the baby seals they are protecting. PETA is in reality a pretty sick group. Check out what, of all people, Penn and Teller find out about the magical group that is PETA right here.
Based on that information, if you have pets, you are in violation of what PETA is trying to do. And the funniest thing about this is that pet owners are probably their biggest supporters! Kind of reminds me of a bit they did on “The Man Show”, where they were getting women to sign a petition to end women’s suffrage. Women left and right were signing this petition, not realizing that women’s suffrage is the right for women to vote. But we all knew that, right? So pet owners naturally think that supporting PETA is a good thing. Moral of the story, do your research.
If you don’t like watching videos, or don’t like Penn & Teller, then go to www.petakillsanimals.com. Pretty shocking stuff in there. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals? Nope. Not really.
-Dave Q.
Joe Horn, Houston resident and not Atlanta Falcons wide receiver, shot and killed two people who were burglarizing his neighbors home. And he did all this while on the phone with 911. He called them to report the burglary and then decided to take matters into his own hands when the burglars tried to leave with a bag of goods.
If you heard the 911 call, then you heard that both the burglars happen to be black. Well, apparently that makes it a racial issue. In steps in some Jesse Jackson wannabe that calls himself Quannel X. He and his friends with the New Black Panthers announce that they will be paying a visit to the residence of Joe Horn on Sunday. Well, some 500 supporters of Joe Horn were there to greet him. They pretty much shouted him down with USA chants. He and the Black Panthers basically left with their tales between their legs. Ha! Get it? Panthers have tails.
I think we as Americans have the right to protect our property. And I believe in the 2nd Amendment. And I don’t like burglars. So I am siding with Joe Horn on all this. Under Texas law, it appears that he was within his legal right, although he may face charges of some kind. With all that being said, I wouldn’t mind Joe Horn being my neighbor and watching out for me.
As for Quannel X. Well, I really don’t know. I Googled him and didn’t get anything but that most people think he’s an “Ass-Clown”. So what I do know about Quannel X is that he is the one making this whole Joe Horn shooting incident about race. And that and he’s not as funny as Nat X, as played by Chris Rock on Saturday Night Live.
So there you go. Nat X interviewing Jesse Jackson. A Quannel X wet dream. Sleep well, Quannel.
-Dave Q.
I hate shopping. Absolutely hate it. So over the years I have simply laughed at all the people waiting in line in the cold at 4am for the “Black Friday” specials. I never understood what the hell was so important to sacrifice valuable time (and sleep) for. That is, until I saw the ads that came out on Thanksgiving.
There was one particular item that caught my eye. And of all places it was being sold at, it was the one place I despise. No, not Best Buy as you might have guessed, but Circuit City. I worked at Circuit City for a couple of years right after high school. I did sales. And to no ones surprise, I’m not a salesman. So I hated the job. Throw in the fact that I dated the hottest girl that worked there, and all these dork managers that were trying to get with her suddenly started handing me the crappiest schedules. To sum up, I really hated that job.
Anyway, I broke down and followed the Black Friday herd. I got to Circuit City at 4am. Stood in line for an hour and a half just to get into the store. Then stood in line for another hour and a half just to pay for the stuff.
Was it worth it? I can’t really say yet. I haven’t set up anything that I bought for myself yet. The stuff I bought to give as gifts seem to be good deals, so at least I got that out of the way. And since I hate shopping, getting that out of the way makes the holidays that much more bearable.
I can’t say I wouldn’t do it again. But I now know what I would do to prepare accordingly. So, you never know. But if there is a next time, I’m definitely taking pictures.
-Dave Q.
I forgot to tell everyone to have a safe and happy Thanksgiving yesterday. Well, I hope you did. I got a ton of text messages from friends wishing me one. I kind of feel bad about that, since I never reply to those mass holiday text messages.
So in case anyone was offended by my lack of replying, I hope all went well. And that you enjoyed you trytophan induced comas. I know I did.
-Dave Q.
“The only difference between myself and Barry Bonds, is that I don’t think I’m Barry Bonds.” -God
America’s favorite cheater, Barry Bonds, got indicted today by a federal grand jury. He is being charged with 4 counts of perjury and 1 count of obstruction of justice. Apparently in the evidence, there is a positive steroid test, and something regarding syringes. And his former trainer got released from prison shortly after all this was announced. He was jailed for not willing to testify against Barry. Coincidence? I think not. Here’s a great Barry Bonds article for you.
Will justice be served? I highly doubt it. Even with all this “juicy” evidence, I predict that Barry Bonds will walk. This case will no doubt go to trial. And if there is a trial, then it will most likely be held in San Francisco, where a jury will be selected. Most citizens of San Francisco love Barry Bonds. They think he’s a good guy who never did steroids. Obviously, not a very smart group. Combine that with the fact they are largely liberal and already hate the government (remember, it’s a federal trial), then Barry will walk. Those people can catch Barry Bonds with a syringe stuck in a butt cheek, and still acquit him. If the powers that be want a fair trial, they will move it out of San Francisco. Maybe even out of California. I mean, Californians acquitted O.J. for God’s sake. And Michael Jackson. And Robert Blake. So if you’re famous and you want to commit a crime, you’d better do it in California. IQ level there isn’t very high.
So let’s assume Barry Bonds is found not guilty. At least he will always have this indictment. That, along with his “record breaking” home run ball being branded with an asterisk in Cooperstown, he will forever be identified with cheating and steroids. I can live with that. Now if only Major League Baseball would grow a pair and wipe all those records he broke off the books.
You know, somewhere out there, Hank Aaron is smiling.
-Dave Q.
Ahhhh yes. Wurstfest. The 10 Day Salute to Sausage.
New Braunfels is a small town, just a 15 minute drive north of San Antonio. It has a strong German heritage, as the name suggests. And once a year, New Braunfels plays host to one of the bigger German themed parties in the country. And beer and sausage are the focus. It’s called Wurstfest. And it’s damn fun.
So on Saturday, we went. We ate. We drank. We took pics. We drank. We danced. And drank some more. Since I’m not a regular at Wurstfest, I am just figuring out the hat thing. Apparently wearing stupid hats is highly recommended.
Let me sum up Wurstfest. If Fiesta is Mardis Gras for Latinos, then Wurstfest is Fiesta for white people. Yeah. That sums it up. Anyway, we had a great time. I highly recommend you go next year.
Seeing all the people walking around eating sausage, I couldn’t help but remember the Broken Lizard film, Beerfest. And the scene with old German whore Cloris Leachman warming up the sausage links. Ha! That was classic.
-Dave Q.
My friend Mark usually reserves a gym to play pick-up basketball on Thursday nights. So last night my buddy Nick and I went to go shoot hoops with them. It’s usually the same people that play, but last night there were a couple of guys playing that I had never played with before. One of them was a guy named Niko. Ladies and gentlemen, Niko is a douche bag.
The reason I have enjoyed playing Thursday nights with Mark and the guys was that for the most part, everyone has been on the same level, with the exception of a couple of guys that have a little more talent. Well, Niko has some ability. The guy obviously played organized basketball for a while. And I guess playing with us, he realized he was the most talented on the court. So he let everyone know it. Not so much with his play, but with his mouth. The guy would not shut up.
So in the third game we played, I drew the defensive assignment against him. He kind of laughed when he saw me guarding him. And in a way, I didn’t blame him. I’m by no means good at basketball, but I enjoy the workout. But because of Niko’s big mouth, it just motivated be to defend him. He lit me up for 3 games straight. And when we were on offense, he would make comments when I had the ball or when I would post up against him. I wasn’t paying enough attention to him to note if this was his defensive strategy or if he was singling me out. But I took it as the latter. So with him mouthing off, it felt good to pop a 3 in his face. My only highlight of the night.
During what would be the last game of the night, we needed only one more basket to win. They were down by 6 points and Niko was shouting out a guarantee that they were going to win in the end. So when they were inbounding the ball, Niko had it and saw that I was guarding him. So he started getting all cute with the basketball, dribbling it around like he was participating in one of those AND1 tournaments. So I swiped at it and tipped it toward me. We both hit the deck trying to recover the ball, I get elbowed in the chops, both of us have our arms around the ball, and he yells “You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me!!.” I just look at him and ask him “Are you serious?”
At that point I just wanted to win, so I let go of the ball. They inbound, he misses, and we score. That’s it. Nice guarantee, Niko. Anyway, I can’t recall in recent memory when I’ve played against such an immature jackass like Niko. Congratulations, Niko. You really showed me. If I had to guess, Niko is about 23 years old. But acted more like a 12 year old. In 3rd grade. You do the math. Besides showing everyone his lack of class, he schooled a 32 year old who has never played organized basketball in his life. I was wearing cross-trainers, for God’s sake.
Whiners Winners like Niko take all the fun out of playing pick-up basketball. For being such a bad-ass, it must have felt weird for him to be playing with a bunch of regular guys. I don’t know where in town all the true ballers play. But I have a feeling, Niko doesn’t know either.
-Dave Q.
I think I better start working out. I’m feeling sluggish. I’m at the age where you can see your metabolism slowing down. And by that, I mean that if I drink a milkshake, my ass will jiggle for a week. Not that I have much of an ass these days, but that’s a whole other blog post!
Anyway, my good friend (and lousy Call of Duty player) Brian told me about Nike+. It’s a system that allows your iPod to track your running habits, distances, times, etc. To break it down, you put a small trasmitter into your special Nike shoes and it sends a signal to a receiver attached to your iPod. The iPod then stores this information until you download it to your PC. From there, you can track your progress on the Nike+ website. And if you’re feeling a little cocky, challenge some friends with some running. My hope is to set something up on the blog to show my progress to everyone. Maybe you’ll be impressed! Maybe you’ll just point at me and laugh. Screw you. I’m used to it.
Anyway, I’ve got goals here. As I start this, I’m weighing 213 lbs. About 13 lbs more than I’d like. But I think I can take it down to 190 lbs. I’ve done that before. So feel free to follow me on my quest. I am self imposing a deadline of February to be down to 200 lbs. And by April to be at 190 lbs.
Will he succeed? Will he flop? Place your bets!
-Dave Q.
