Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category
So I kind of had a stressful weekend with my fantasy football teams getting completely owned in all three of my leagues. I know you ladies out there will roll your eyes at that statement. I wish there was an anolgy I could come up with that would illustrate how frustrating it is. I know you don’t understand, so just trust me on this. 
So I stumbled upon this video, which I would have to consider as the ultimate stress relief. I tell you what, if I had a fat kid I could shoot paintballs at, I would be so happy. It would be therapeutic!
Honestly though, I can’t watch this video without laughing hard. And watching it enough times makes me forget about me maybe not winning my fantasy something whatever… See. It’s already worked wonders!
-Dave Q.
My buddy Albert just sent this to me. I had to share.
Alright. I will do my best to avoid politics the rest of the week.
-Dave Q.
We all saw this one coming. And seriously, when is Halloween better than during an election year? And it doesn’t hurt that one of the party tickets has a fairly attractive VP candidate.
You know there will be a ton of “Sarah Palin”s out there at those Halloween parties this year. But will any of them be daring enough to wear this version of the costume? With my luck, I will run into a Sarah Palin wannabe that has no business being in a bikini of any kind whatsover. I can’t stress that enough. Please, No Ugly Sarah Palins!
On another Sarah Palin note, the New York Daily News put out this somewhat creepy slideshow of what other celebrities could play ‘Sarah Palin’. A couple of them are pretty good. Most of them are pretty scary.
-Dave Q.
So this past week began the NBA pre-season. And that translates to the NBA regular season starting up very soon. I love basketball. I’m a die-hard San Antonio Spurs fan. So I am very pumped up about seeing the season get rolling. I want to believe the Spurs will do well, but I am skeptical, especially with Manu Ginobili on the injured list with a bad ankle. I feel your pain, my latin brother!
Anyway, my old friend Roy sent this pic to me and seeing about how pre-season is the time to get focused on the upcoming season, I thought it would be funny to show Lebron James focussing on “other things”. I guess it goes to show how dominant Team USA really was in the Olympics to be so easily distracted.
Come on, King James. Really? I’m disappointed. If you’re going to be distracted by a female, can’t it be one with a firmer butt? I know you can do better than that. And if you cannot, then I in turn cannot in good conscience draft you in my fantasy basketball league. Because sometimes it’s not just about “scoring”. Get it? Scoring? Ok, I’m done.
-Dave Q.
As of late, I’ve been feeling kind of sluggish at work. Especially after lunch. You know what I’m referring to. Those lunch induced comas? I know you’ve been there, too.
So while chatting it up in the office, my buddy Horbi said he was feeling like that too, but started feeling better after he started taking some vitamin B. He has a big bottle on his desk and told me whenever I wanted one, to just help myself. So I started taking them and I did feel better. Maybe it’s all mental. But I am definitely making it through the day easier.
So on Friday, sometime after lunch, I realized I hadn’t taken my daily vitamin B pill. I went into the office and saw Horbi at his desk with his earphones on. He loves his music. So I just walked up to his desk to grab the bottle. Horbi kind of jumped up when I got the bottle. I guess I snuck up on him. I told him I was getting some vitamin B and we started chatting. Then I glanced at his computer screen…
“Um, Horbi?”, I said.
“Yeah?”
“Are you watching ‘Ugly Betty’??”
“Uh…………….”
So for the rest of the day I was giving him a pretty hard time about that. Not that dudes aren’t allowed to watch ‘Ugly Betty’. It’s that dudes shouldn’t watch ‘Ugly Betty’! Apparently he watches ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, too. To each their own.
But God bless the internet. With the ability to watch pretty much anything online, it’s hard to blame Horbi for watching shows that cater to a female audience. Wait. Yes it is. I do blame him. What the hell, man?!?
-Dave Q.
I got this sent to me in 4 different emails yesterday. So, I thought it was worth sharing. Appears to be a young Dr. Evil plotting to add two more to his future mind-control sex-slave experiment. Gotta give the kid props for thinking big, right?
-Dave Q.
While in Dallas this weekend, I got to catch the Cowboys-Redskins game. I know that this is the last year for the Cowgirls Cowboys at Texas Stadium. All I can say is, it’s about time. That place is a dump. Compared to Reliant stadium in Houston, Texas Stadium is ridiculously outdated. So maybe a future Dallas home game will be more impressive.
I know that Jerry Jones and the media love to tout the Cowboys as America’s team. While most of America would dispute that, I do know of one country that is all theirs. That would be our neighbor in the south, Mexico. I saw a ton of Spanish signs like “Viva los Cowboys”, and “Cowboys Numero Uno!”. Now just because a hispanic person is wearing a Cowboys jersey doesn’t mean they are Mexican, but I’m going to base this theory on geography. I wish I had taken a pic of the guy wearing a Cowboys jersey that said, “Vaqueros”.
Anyway, it’s no secret that I’m no Cowboys fan. I just can’t force myself to root for a team with such great role models like Terrell Owens, Pac-Man Jones, Tank Johnson, etc. So when the group I was with (all Cowboys fans) decided to put a pot together for guessing the final score, I was the only one that picked the Redskins. So not only did I enjoy seeing the Cowboys lose, I got $50 out of it. You know what I call that? A good weekend.
By the way, my final score prediction was Redskins 27, Cowboys 24. I was off by one point.
-Dave Q.
I am being hunted.
For the last 3 nights, I have been terrorized. Every morning when I get, I am finding a new mosquito bite. I know it’s a flippin’ mosquito because I’ve seen it buzzing around. But when I try to kill it, I lose sight of it. She’s a smart one, she is.
I Googled the lifespan of a mosquito. This thing apparently can live up to 100 days. All it needs is a stable foodsource, and well, that’s me. I’ve tried to go Elmer Fudd on it, but no luck. It’s hiding well. I feel like it’s studying my every move. And it definitely know the layout of the house by now. I have to face facts: I need to outsmart it. Damn.
I called my Mom and she told me to put out a dish with water and dishsoap. I’m not sure what this is going to do. Do they drink it and die? Bathe? I don’t know.
Anyway, I just need my roommate to come back from his out of town trip. Once he’s back, hopefully the mosquito will turn on him. And I have no doubt that he won’t rest until he kills it. I, on the other hand, am ready to hit the sack. So, hopefully the mosquito doesn’t feel like snacking tonight.
but if you’re keepiing score, Mosquito 4, Dave Q. 0. But if I kill it tonight, it will be worth 5 points.
-Dave Q.
