The Quesada Chronicles

Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

When I found this, I thought it was kind of weird. But who else would you rather have a staring contest with? Dick Cheney??

-Dave Q.

This is my friend Jen. She emailed me this pic of her. Check out that right eye. Ouch! And check it out a different pic here. That’s a pretty good shiner. Ironically, she is from Shiner, TX. And therefore bleeds Shiner beer. Weird.

Now I can only imagine what happened to her since I did not get an exact description of events that led to this. And trust me, I can imagine a lot. So here it is. My Top Ten possibilities on how Jen got a black eye:

1. Face planted while skateboarding.
2. Let her guard down while boxing a kangaroo.
3. Wore Obama gear at a Hillary rally.
4. Tried to take candy away from her 1st graders.
5. Attempted to act out a seen from the second Jack Ass movie.
6. Someone told her chicks with black eyes are sexy.
7. Got in the way of a football pass, Marsha Brady style.
8. Bar fight with soccer hooligans.
9. Walked into wall.
10. She plays softball, so…… she probably talked too much trash after a game.

These are just theories. We will probably never, ever know the truth about what happened to Jen. I am pretty sure it’s one of the above (leaning towards kangaroo). But if there is a realistic scenario I haven’t considered, please let me know.

And yes, I’ve thought about straight up asking her what happened. But judging by the beating she took, she probably has no recollection of the past couple of weeks. Poor girl.

-Dave Q.

This is from FunnyOrDie.com. This may be the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s commercial that came out during Super Bowl promoting his film ‘Semi-Pro’. The biggest difference between Will Ferrell’s commercial and this one is that this one may be funnier. Actually, that is a fact. It’s way funnier! Is that proper English?

Thanks to Bobby for sending this my way!

-Dave Q.

Since this has been dragging on and on, you knew this was bound to happen. And you know democrats would love to see a dream ticket of Clinton/Obama. Or is it Obama/Clinton? Who cares. All I can tell you is that the picture above is a Dems wet dream right about now.

Is it Barack with a bad haircut? Or a better looking Hillary? Your call, my fellow Americans.

-Dave Q.

Check out this video of Chris Berman going bonkers. I found it by accident. I was actually searching for new “sharking” videos. How Chris Berman came into the equation is anybody’s guess.

Just thought I would share. Now… back to my original search.

-Dave Q.

Bikers foil robbery attempt in Australia – Watch more free videos

What happens when two dipshits go into a club armed with a machete and samurai sword to rob it?? Depends if they are in Australia or not. Because apparently those Aussies don’t take crap like that.

If only we could have gotten a close up of their faces when they got a glimpse of all those bikers running at them.

-Dave Q.

I am watching the Democratic debate right now. I am loving this. Hillary Clinton has made herself look like a complete ass-clown. She is whining about how she always gets the first question during the debates. And then she referenced Saturday Night Live on how Obama is getting special treatment. Haha! How presidential of her. Nothing will earn respect to the Presidency of the United States as the leader of the free world being a whiner.

Now there are more fireworks! These are the acts of a very desperate woman. It’s pathetic. Yet I can’t stop watching. Or smiling. Or laughing.

Ok. I’m going to finish watching this. I’m sure you guys will see all these highlights in the news. But god that look on her face is golden! That bitch is pissed!

After this I’m going to turn to the Tivo and watch last Saturday’s SNL. Must have been a good one.

-Dave Q.

First, let me wish you all a very special and very happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you all get the love that you so desperately desire.

Second, let me tell you how much I think Valentine’s Day sucks. Is it because I never get anything? Nope. I’ve already gotten a bunch of gifts and candy from adoring fans, and it’s only 9 a.m, so that’s not it. It’s because Valentine’s Day is a corporate holiday, in the sense that it was created for the sole purpose of generating crazy amounts of money for companies like Hallmark, FTD, Russell Stover, etc. It is essentially a scam. Yet we are made to feel guilty if we don’t buy all these things to make our significant others feel loved. I’ve got news for you. If it takes Valentine’s Day for your significant other to feel loved, you’ve got much bigger problems, my friend.

I also despise going to dinner on Valentine’s Day. But if you’re a regular reader of the blog, then you already know my strong feelings about that. Bottom line, it’s not worth it. In fact, February 14th may possibly be the worst day to ever dine out. Period. Don’t believe me? Then go to dinner tonight. It doesn’t even have to be a real fancy place. Hell, go to Chili’s if you want. I dare you.

The only interesting part about Valentine’s Day is seeing all the women at work roll their eyes when one of their co-workers gets a delivery of flowers. I love that! They had a little something here that you can send a co-worker a Valentine, so Brian and I took it upon ourselves to send one on Horbi’s behalf. When you read the message in the pic, try to imagine it being said in a Puerto Rican accent.

Just because I don’t like Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sense of humor.

-Dave Q.