Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category
My friend Mark usually reserves a gym to play pick-up basketball on Thursday nights. So last night my buddy Nick and I went to go shoot hoops with them. It’s usually the same people that play, but last night there were a couple of guys playing that I had never played with before. One of them was a guy named Niko. Ladies and gentlemen, Niko is a douche bag.
The reason I have enjoyed playing Thursday nights with Mark and the guys was that for the most part, everyone has been on the same level, with the exception of a couple of guys that have a little more talent. Well, Niko has some ability. The guy obviously played organized basketball for a while. And I guess playing with us, he realized he was the most talented on the court. So he let everyone know it. Not so much with his play, but with his mouth. The guy would not shut up.
So in the third game we played, I drew the defensive assignment against him. He kind of laughed when he saw me guarding him. And in a way, I didn’t blame him. I’m by no means good at basketball, but I enjoy the workout. But because of Niko’s big mouth, it just motivated be to defend him. He lit me up for 3 games straight. And when we were on offense, he would make comments when I had the ball or when I would post up against him. I wasn’t paying enough attention to him to note if this was his defensive strategy or if he was singling me out. But I took it as the latter. So with him mouthing off, it felt good to pop a 3 in his face. My only highlight of the night.
During what would be the last game of the night, we needed only one more basket to win. They were down by 6 points and Niko was shouting out a guarantee that they were going to win in the end. So when they were inbounding the ball, Niko had it and saw that I was guarding him. So he started getting all cute with the basketball, dribbling it around like he was participating in one of those AND1 tournaments. So I swiped at it and tipped it toward me. We both hit the deck trying to recover the ball, I get elbowed in the chops, both of us have our arms around the ball, and he yells “You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me! You are not taking this ball from me!!.” I just look at him and ask him “Are you serious?”
At that point I just wanted to win, so I let go of the ball. They inbound, he misses, and we score. That’s it. Nice guarantee, Niko. Anyway, I can’t recall in recent memory when I’ve played against such an immature jackass like Niko. Congratulations, Niko. You really showed me. If I had to guess, Niko is about 23 years old. But acted more like a 12 year old. In 3rd grade. You do the math. Besides showing everyone his lack of class, he schooled a 32 year old who has never played organized basketball in his life. I was wearing cross-trainers, for God’s sake.
Whiners Winners like Niko take all the fun out of playing pick-up basketball. For being such a bad-ass, it must have felt weird for him to be playing with a bunch of regular guys. I don’t know where in town all the true ballers play. But I have a feeling, Niko doesn’t know either.
-Dave Q.
In the past week, Southwest Airlines has forced two young, attractive female passengers to cover themselves during their flights because someone complained about the way they were dressed. Read all about it right here. Wow. What is the world coming to? I’ll admit their attire was easy on the eyes, but come on. Do you really think they were dressed that provocatively? I don’t either.
You know some insecure women traveling with their husbands are the ones who complained to the flight attendants when they busted their men scoping out the hot girl. Instead of taking it out on the poor, ditzy, college girl (one of them works at Hooters, big shocker!), try dressing nicer! Do some situps! That’s one way to keep your man’s attention. One of these girls was going out of state to see a doctor. No doubt a plastic surgeon (boobs). Instead of getting a flight attendant to get her to cover up, maybe ask for her doctor’s contact number! Stop hatin’!
I have no choice but to boycott Southwest Airlines. Way to go, Southwest! For as uncomfortable as airline travel is to begin with, you go and take it a step further by killing the morale of male passengers by taking away any significant eye candy. Why don’t you put put pine cones in our seat cushions while you’re at it?!?
Truth be told, I see that kind of attire on girls all the time. Unfortunatley, the girls I see don’t look like Kyla Ebbert and Setara Qassim. Now that’s the time people should be complaining! When a girl wears something that should be outlawed for their body type! Can anyone say “double-standard”? If I ever have to fly Southwest Airlines again, I guarantee you I will be looking for the chubby girl exposing her less than perfect abs and complain. Because I have always found that offensive. And repulsive. And gross.
-Dave Q.
So I played softball last night. And we got our asses stomped. You see, this particular team I play on, made up mostly of high school coaches, has a lot of heart. Talent, on the other hand, is not so plentiful. So after two innings bitch-slapped 19-2. Seriously. You’d think they would invoke some kind of mercy rule, but we weren’t that lucky.
Anyway, during the last half of the inning, where the opposing team scored the bulk of their runs, and for what seemed to me to take an eternity as a camped out in left field, the batter popped the ball up between me and the shortstop. As I’m running in, and our shortstop, Jaime, is running out, I hear one of the guys on the opposing team yelling “I got it! I got it!”, in an effort to distract us. Well, for starters, neither one of us were going to reach the ball. It’s not like either of us got under it and were just waiting for the ball to fall in our glove. But seriously. They were up 19-2 and some douchebag on the other team was yelling “I got it”? WTF? What kind of guy does that? Probably the same kind of guy that would have dressed up like a woman to get off the Titanic.
That to me is the definition of “Bush League”. When you do piddly little things like that to show your lack of sportsmanship, you are definitely the kind of person that will slide into second base with your spikes in the air to make sure the GIRL can’t complete the double play. Not caring if they injure her, of course. To make matters worse, the league we play in is a rec league. A “beer” league, if you will. Not competitive in the least bit.
No doubt the jackass that yelled that used to beat up 2nd graders when he was in 5th grade. Because he obvously can’t play with the big boys. Loser.
But we definitely played like 2nd graders. No defending that. Final score was 22-9.
-Dave Q.
Horbi and I ate lunch on Friday at Willie’s Icehouse. For those that don’t know, it’s basically a burger joint. So as we’re sitting there in the middle of lunch, our waitress informs us that our meal has already been paid for. We both looked at each other confused and asked her to elaborate. She said that a patron on their way out went up to her and asked to pay for our ticket. We pressed for as much information as should could give us, but at the end we were left scratching our heads. We know it was a guy with a shaved head. We did get a name from the credit card receipt, but neither of us recognize the name. So, who the hell was it? And why pay for our lunch? And why do that and just leave?
I have some theories. All of which involve Horbi and some shady past he doesn’t want to tell me about. Don’t get me wrong. I trust Horbi, if that is his real name. But if the Puerto Rican version of the CIA is hunting him down like Jason Bourne and toying with his mind by buying him random lunches, the I don’t want to get caught in the crossfire! Then again, it is a free lunch.
I think we may have to test this out by going to some pricey place for lunch this week. Maybe the PR black ops guy will send over dessert.
Horbi hurt his back this weekend. Get well bro.
-Dave Q.
I already can’t stand Hillary Clinton. For whatever reason, whether it’s her political stances, her annoying voice, or just her monumental bitch persona, I just don’t like the dude woman. If there is one sure fire way to guarantee that I don’t vote Demorcat in 2008, it’s having this broad as the candidate.
So you can now add another reason why I can’t stand Hillary Clinton. Are you ready for this one? Apparently, girls are starting to find her attractive. Or at least this one does in this Hot 4 Hill video below. This is immediate cause for concern, since this girl doesn’t look too bad. I mean, if anyone women are going to be attracted to Hillary Clinton, shouldn’t they, you know, be butch like Hillary?
I don’t recognize the girl in the video, but apparently she is somewhat of a celebrity. Her name is Taryn Southern, an American Idol reject from a couple of years ago. It looks like she really digs Hillary. And at the same time she must hate men. And also children. Or at least I assume she hates children by putting them in this video and subjecting them to this political garbage. I mean, come on. The little kids are singing for Hillary. Oh! How adorable! They love her! We must make her our leader! Give me a break.
So yes, I despise Hillary Clinton. More so now than ever. How dare she start attracting decent looking girls! You know, I don’t know of any man that finds Hillary Clinton attractive. And that includes Bill. Do you really think Bill is attracted to this? Well, then again, he did get it on with Monica Lewinski. It’s like Bill is playing Dr Seuss. Except that Dr. Seuss’ version of Thing 1 and Thing 2 didn’t give a grown man nightmares.
I remember when I was in high school and Clinton was in his first term as President. Sometime during the second year of that term, my Mom got a new dog. It was a small, beagle like dog they she named “Maggie”. Well, my Dad has never called it by her name. Instead, he calls her “Hillary”. And he still does today. That’s a true story. And a wise man.
-Dave Q.
So while running the bases between second and third on a pop up to Blue Jays third basemen Howie Clark, Alex Rodriguez of the Evil Empire (Yankees) shouts “Mine!” as he runs by. This causes Clark to think his teammate, shortstop John McDonald, is calling him off to make the play. The end result? The ball falls between the two Blue Jays and the Yankees end up winning the game. More controversy for A-Rod. Nothing new to this Jack-Ass.
I remember when this sort of thing was done on a regular basis. It was called Little League. And it actually still happens today, in beer league softball games. What kind of tool do you have to be to do something like this as a major leaguer? Then I remember A-Rod and his pathetic attempt to “slap” the ball out of the glove of Boston’s Bronson Arroyo a couple years back in the playoffs. A slap my 86 year-old grandmother called “gay”.
But I guess if you’ve been caught in the papers with another woman and your wife is probably talking to divorce lawyers right now, then what the baseball community thinks of you is the least of your problems.
-Dave Q.
For the record, anyone out there can produce a video like this about any team in the NBA. It’s just part of the game. I am forced to post this because of the nauseating love affair the media and basketball world is having with the Phoenix Suns right now and showing the Spurs as villains.
You shouldn’t be surprised. It’s playoff basketball. And the Suns are doing what they need to do to win. Until a ref blows a whistle to stop it, why should they? But like I said, anyone out there can make a video showing the Spurs doing some acting jobs and committing hard fouls. So that’s that. Hopefully the series ends tonight.
-Dave Q.
Playoff basketball and baseball in full swing. I love it! And in the last week, 2 things have made me love it more. The elimination of the Los Angeles Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks! Seriously, after Golden State bitch slapped the Mavs, I needed a cigarette. It was faaaaaaaaaaaantastic!
I really don’t have anything against the Mavericks. I just can’t take their owner, Mark Cuban. The guy is ridiculous. I just can’t figure him out. He’s a fan who owns his own basketball team. What fan wouldn’t envy that? But it’s like he wants to be one of the guys so much that it’s almost painful to watch. I mean, who do you think came up with the promo below? And you can almost bet that the Maverick players rolled their eyes when they heard his idea. “Um…, you want us to do what?”.
I will say that I’ve gained a tremendous amount of respect for Baron Davis. That guy single handedly beat the Mavs. All heart! Maybe Dirk Nowitzki can give Baron Davis a call and ask him what being a leader on his team is all about. It was clear Dirk had no clue how to do that. And how can you not like Baron Davis? The guy takes time to work a McDonald’s drive thru! 
Well, I hope the NBA playoffs finish with another championship in San Antonio. And that the Braves can pull off a stunner and get back in the baseball playoffs. A simple formula for summer bliss: Spurs + Braves + Winning = Happy David. Who wouldn’t want that?
-Dave Q.
