Archive for January, 2008

I need a new one of these. I set mine down a while back and now I can’t find it.

-Dave Q.

Over the past week, I have been suffering big time. I know. Heartbreaking, isn’t it? My allergies having been wrecking havoc on me. I’m congested. My eyes are red. I can’t stop sneezing. I must have sneezed 17 times in a row the other day. No joke. Ask my co-workers who had to hear it all.

I never had allergy issues as a kid. Is this typical? Do your allergies get progressively worse as you get older? And if so, is this the beginning of more things to come? Am I officially starting to fall apart at the age of 32? Damn. So now am I not only feeling like crap, I’m now depressed, too.

For the record, I have been taking Claritin D in an attempt to feel better. And it worked great… NOT. It didn’t do jack to make me feel better. Either my allergies are super-human, or Claritin D sucks. I’m leaning towards the latter. Then again, if my allergies are indeed “super-human”, I can’t say I would be completely surprised.

-Dave Q.

Dear Reporters, Due to the magnitude of this week’s game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 about the other 81. I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday’s game. Sincerely,T.O. p.s. Getcha Popcorn Ready!. — Terrell Owens before the Cowboys / Patriots match up in Week 6.

When it comes to the NFL playoffs, I had a pretty damn good weekend! Every team I wanted to win this weekend came out victorious. And that includes the Giants beating the Cowboys. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t like the New York Giants, especially when led by that goofy Eli Manning. But I despise any team that employs Terrell Owens. So the Cowboys losing makes me happy. :)

Cry me a river, T.O. You’re defending your teammates? You’re sticking up for your quarterback? Please. I’m pretty sure Donavan McNabb and Jeff Garcia did the same thing I did when they saw you weeping like a little pansy at that post-game press conference: laugh their ass off!

Just so you know, I’m clearly rooting for Green Bay to win the whole thing. I admire Brett Favre tremendously. But if he can’t win it, then I would be cool with the Pats or Bolts winning. And with that, I hope Eli Manning can fall back to reality and go back to the crappy QB he is. The Giants winning the Super Bowl would suck. But at least Dallas won’t.

So I think I’m going to have a Super Bowl party. I called my buddy Jay after the game to let him no about it, but he wouldn’t answer my call. I’m sure he thinks that because he is a die-hard Cowboys fan, he saw me calling and assumed I was going to rub the Dallas loss in his face. Not true. I’m not a prick. I know that he is going to be seeing that every time he turns on the TV for the next 3 days. And then be reminded of it as the playoffs continue. I’m not going to pour salt into that wound with so many others will be indirectly. That wouldn’t be right.

So I hope he calls me back. And comes over for Super Bowl. And enjoys some of the popcorn I’ll be serving.

-Dave Q.

While we’re still on the subject of politics…

Remember when this Norwegian girl wanted to be class president? So bad that she stripped down to nothing while dancing in front of the class during an assembly? That is what you call “an effective campaign”, my friends.

Ahhhh those crazy Europeans. I know we can’t really tell from the video, but I’m pretty sure they don’t let ugly women run for office of any kind, especially if stripping is part of the voting process there. Which if adopted here, would suddenly end the Hillary Clinton campaign. I’m down for that.

-Dave Q.

Oregon MayorWhile we’re on the subject of politics…

The mayor of a little town in Oregon has some pretty revealing pics of herself on, where else, her MySpace page. Here’s one of them…

Her name is Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, and is the mayor of Arlington, Oregon. A little town with a population of about 500. She is taking some heat for her half-naked images. But the Mayor has taken a fresh approach about all this attention her pics are getting.

“I’m not going to change who I am. There’s a lot of officials that have a personal life, and you have people in this community who have nothing better to do than scrape up stuff like this.”

She has a point. So what if she takes a pic on a city fire truck with nothing but her bra and panties? She looks like she’s in good shape, and is obviously wanting to show off her body. Not bad for a forty-something. At least that’s what I’m guessing. She may want to back away from the tanning bed a bit.

Anyway, if I lived in that little town in east Oregon, I would be proud of the mayor. I mean, who the hell knew there was an Arlington, Oregon before this happened? And I would definitely vote for her. And keep re-electing her. Until she looked bad in lingerie, that is.

I bet it’s fun to see her working the “polls” come election time. Ha! Get it? :)

-Dave Q.

I know, I know. I thought she was done too.

Hillary Clinton insane

You think she’s dead, but no. Still quite the machette wielding maniac. And still coming after you. Probably wanting to eat your soul.

-Dave Q.

Did you catch the rant from Roger Clemens? Denying the whole steroids saga? Man, he is pissed. I mean, really pissed. Like, he’s in a rage of some sort. A “roid rage”, perhaps?

Also, I just don’t know about the taped conversation between Clemens, and his personal trainer (and alleged steroid injector extraordinaire) Brian McNamee. It’s kind of confusing. At times they seem to be speaking in code. I think they both knew it was being recorded. So what they say on the recording didn’t seem genuine. But if I had to call it right now, I think Clemens is a liar. I just don’t buy that Clemens knew nothing about his boy, Andy Petitte, getting HGH from the personal trainer they share. I’m calling bullshit on that one.

Still, I don’t know if we will ever know the whole truth. In fact, I doubt we ever will. But who knows? As they say, “the truth is out there”. Anyone have the number for Mulder and Scully?

-Dave Q.

Penelope Cruz and her sister Monica came out in a music video for their brother, Eduardo. In the video, the sisters share a lesbian kiss. And apparently this was their brother’s idea.

I can only shake my head here. It’s pretty obvious that this guy Eduardo needs all the help he can get to promote his crappy music. And nothing says “I know I have no musical talent” than getting your famous sister to make out with your hotter sister in your music video. But the fact that he thought this up may be a sampling of deeper issues. Eduardo, those are your sisters! You really want to see your sisters make out? And dance around you half-naked?? They are your sisters!! What the hell is wrong with you?

So in the end, the only ones that benefit from Eduardo Cruz’s crappy music ability and his drive for incest, is any guy not related to the Cruz sisters. Monica Cruz should definitely look into getting into showbiz. Very nice to look at. More so than her sister.

As for you, Eduardo, I hope someone finds you a good therapist. Jeez.

-Dave Q.

January 2008
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Today's Deep Thought

  • I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.